Burning for Love Read online

  He nodded silently and went to rummage in the drawer for a moment. When he returned, Rissa was delighted to see that he had one of the softer brushes in his big hand—the pink one with a long handle.

  “Hold out your arm, please, Princess,” he said, kneeling beside the tub. “So I can scrub you.”

  “What’s that brush you’re using?” Lady Mildew demanded. “That won’t get her clean! She needs the blue one—that’s the one I always use on her!”

  James frowned.

  “The one with metal-tipped bristles? I would never use something like that on Princess Ka’rissa’s skin. It’s much too rough—it might hurt her.”

  “She needs to be hurt a bit, in order to get her clean,” Lady Mildew protested. “She’s a very dirty girl, you know—she needs a good, solid scrubbing.”

  “She doesn’t look all that dirty to me,” James said firmly. “And I refuse to use an instrument on her that might wound her. Princess, please hold out your hand,” he said, looking at Rissa.

  Shyly—she had been crossing her arms over her chest to cover herself—Rissa sat up and held out a hand to him. James took it in his own and began stroking the scrub brush up and down her arm, gently but firmly.

  Rissa sighed in pleasure at the pleasant sensation. The bristles produced their own sweet-smelling foam and cleaned her without abrading her skin. Lady Mildew said no more but looked on with a sour expression as James washed Rissa’s other arm and then her legs and back and torso—though he carefully avoided her points. The older woman didn’t object again until James nodded and sat back.

  “There, Princess—I believe you’re clean,” he told Rissa.

  “She is not!” Lady Mildew exclaimed. “You haven’t washed betwixt her legs, yet! That part is the dirtiest of all!”

  James frowned.

  “I don’t believe I should scrub that area with a brush—even one without metal-tipped bristles. I don’t want to injure the Princess.”

  “You have to scrub her there to get her clean!” Lady Mildew insisted. “And if it hurts her, so much the better! That’ll keep her from trying to reach between her legs like the nasty, dirty girl she is!”

  “Lady Mildew!” Rissa was horrified and humiliated at the same time. “I have never—”

  “Oh, yes you did! Or why did I have to use the Chastity Wire on you in the first place?” Lady Mildew demanded.

  “I was only ten years old!” Rissa exclaimed. “I…I didn’t know any better! And anyway, I can’t—not with the Chastity Wire in the way—and you know it!” Suddenly, years of anger boiled up inside her. “I think you only scrubbed me so hard all those years because you liked hurting me!” she blurted, before she could stop herself.

  “How dare you speak that way to me, you nasty little worm?” Lady Mildew’s faded blue eyes flashed warningly. “I ought to leave right now without putting your Chastity Wire back in place. Let’s see how long your reputation remains unstained if word gets around the Court that you’ve got a man dressing and undressing you—not to mention bathing you, naked in the tub—and no Chastity Wire to keep him from doing what he shouldn’t!”

  “I have told you, James is a cyborg!” Rissa exclaimed. She hated fighting with her old chaperone like this! Lady Mildew usually just grumbled and groused—she hadn’t seen the other woman this stirred up in years. She must really be angry about her loss of status, since she was no longer Rissa’s Constant Companion and chaperone.

  “I don’t care what he is, he’s got man parts betwixt his legs and he’s up to no good!” Lady Mildew declared.

  She got up as though to leave, and Rissa realized there was a disaster in the making. If word got out to the Court—to the person who wrote Lady TittleTattle’s Breadcrumbs—that her new male Companion was bathing her and undressing her and there was no Chastity Wire involved, her reputation would be ruined beyond repair, no matter what the Steward said!

  “Please, Lady Mildew, don’t go,” she said quickly, clasping her hands under her chin. “I…I didn’t mean what I said and I shouldn’t have said it. Please, I beg you!”

  Her words seemed to calm her old chaperone somewhat, for Lady Mildew sat back down on the chair beside the tub and frowned warningly at Rissa.

  “Let’s have no more backtalk, my girl,” she said. “I may not be your Companion anymore, but I’ve still got power over you and don’t you forget it!”

  “No, Lady Mildew, I wont,” Rissa whispered miserably. Clearly she would never be rid of the sour old bat, even if she did have a new Companion now. “May I be excused from the bath?” she asked humbly, keeping her eyes lowered.

  “Well…I suppose so,” Lady Mildew said grudgingly. “Though you’ll have to be scrubbed twice as hard betwixt your legs tomorrow night to make up for missing tonight,” she added.

  Rissa saw James frown and open his mouth, presumably to say that he refused to scrub such a delicate area too vigorously. She caught his eyes and gave a quick shake of her head. The big Kindred’s frown deepened, but he nodded shortly and went to put away the brush he’d been using on her. When he came back, he was holding up a large, plush towel.

  “Are you ready to exit the bathing tub, my Lady Ka’rissa?” he asked her.

  “Yes, thank you, Sir James.”

  Keeping her head low and her arms crossed over her breasts, Rissa stepped out of the icy water and let him wrap the big pink towel around her shoulders.

  “Very well—hurry up and dry her,” Lady Mildew directed him. “I must put this Chastity Wire back on the Princess and I can’t do it if she’s wet.”

  He nodded without speaking and began drying Rissa’s arms and legs and torso—though she noticed that he once again skirted around her peaks and the spot between her legs. Had he been taught to avoid touching such delicate places on board the Mother Ship? Or was he simply trying to show her respect by not touching her private areas?

  Either way, she respected his delicacy and tact in the matter. She was still shy about having his hands on her body, despite the fact that she knew he had no lustful emotions—or any emotions for that matter. It was good of him to realize that and to respect her boundaries.

  Though he wouldn’t have if Lady Mildew had anything to say about it, she thought, as she opened the towel so her old chaperone could re-clasp the Chastity Wire around her waist and re-activate it with the remote only she had access to.

  Why the older woman insisted she was dirty and had evil impulses was beyond Rissa. The incident she kept harping on—the single time she’d tried touching herself between her legs, before she knew it was wrong to do so—had happened so long ago it seemed that almost anyone else would have forgotten it by now. But not Lady Mildew—she had to bring it up—in front of James, too!

  Rissa didn’t care that he had no emotions—it was still humiliating for him to know about her one foray into the forbidden place between her legs. What would he think of her now? What if he thought she was a dirty, nasty girl, as Lady Mildew had proclaimed her to be? It might be foolish, but she found she cared about the big Kindred’s good opinion—cared deeply.

  Maybe she felt that way because, in a way, she felt that she already knew him. Not just from their interactions tonight, but also because of the many dreams she’d had of him over the past month. Dreams in which he held her and murmured in her ear in that deep voice of his…

  Blushing, she tried to push the thought away. It was making her points feel hot again, despite her recent cold bath, and she didn’t need to worry about setting her nightdress on fire in the night as she slept. Well, not that she could—it was made of fire retardant fabric, as were all her clothes—but it was possible to scorch it quite badly, which would ruin the delicate material it was made of.

  Speaking of her nightdress, James had it all ready for her. He slipped the silky white garment over her head and it settled around her ankles, much to Rissa’s relief. She didn’t enjoy being naked and vulnerable—clothing was like armor and she needed all the armor she could get whilst ba
ttling with Lady Mildew.

  And thank goodness, Lady Mildew seemed finally about to leave. She rose from her chair and pointed a crooked finger at Rissa.

  “You behave, my girl,” she said, a frown creasing her face deeply. “I’ll see you at breakfast tomorrow and you’d better be on your very best behavior.”

  Rissa wanted to snap back that she was always on her best behavior and it wasn’t necessary to remind her to use her Court manners all the time. But she thought better of it and simply nodded her head meekly.

  “Yes, Lady Mildew. Good night, Lady Mildew,” she said, just as she had said every night after her bath for years and years.

  Lady Mildew harumphed once more before flouncing out of the bathing room and leaving Rissa’s apartments, banging the door shut behind her on her way out.

  13

  James waited until he was certain the door to the Princess’s rooms was locked tight and he was tucking her into the big, four-poster bed under the rose-gold coverlet before he asked,

  “Princess, what is the purpose of the silver wire you wear around your waist?”

  “What?” Her eyes, which had been drifting closed, opened wide and she looked up at him with an expression that seemed to be half shame and half fear. James frowned, wondering why such a simple question should engender such emotions.

  “Why you need to wear it all the time?” he asked. “What does it do? I noticed an electrical hum coming from it—does it help to keep you cool during the night somehow?”

  She bit her lip and he could see that she was working through several different possible answers in her head. Was she thinking of lying to him? But when she finally spoke, her words had the ring of truth, though her tone was low and shamed and she dropped her eyes, as though she couldn’t bear to have him look at her as she answered.

  “Didn’t you hear Lady Mildew? The wire is to…to keep me from reaching between my legs to touch my…my forbidden areas.”

  “Forbidden areas?” James frowned. “But why should any part of your own body be forbidden to you?”

  “It’s a part of me that only my husband may touch—and only after we are married,” she murmured, still looking down. Her cheeks were pink with a blush.

  “But why?” James demanded again. “I don’t understand, Princess.”

  “I…I don’t exactly either.” She looked up at him at last and he saw that her lovely amber-brown eyes were filled with tears. “I only know that it’s shameful and wrong and I would never, never do it. Only Lady Mildew is convinced that I would and she’s been making me wear the Chastity Wire for years because she says I am a dirty, nasty girl. But I’m not, James—I promise I’m not!”

  Her last words turned into a sob and she buried her face in her hands, her slim shoulders shaking with grief.

  James had seen people cry before on the Mother Ship—mostly human females—but once or twice he had seen a Kindred warrior tear up during extreme circumstances. But as a Dark Kindred, he had never cried himself—nor had anyone else’s tears ever affected him.

  He found, however, that Princess Ka’rissa’s tears did affect him. He felt a strange yearning sensation in his chest—a feeling like a cruel hand was squeezing his heart.

  Her pain, he thought. She’s in so much pain…

  And he found that he wanted to ease that pain, though he scarcely knew how to do it.

  He wondered how he could help and remembered the last time he had seen someone cry. It had been a human female at one of the dining establishments he had recently been visiting. She had apparently gotten some bad news on her communications device because her eyes had overflowed with tears and she had begun crying, right there in the restaurant.

  Her mate, a Beast Kindred, had been sitting right beside her. He had taken her into his arms and rubbed her back, letting her cry for a few moments before gently leading her out of the restaurant where she could express her grief with more privacy.

  The whole thing had happened at the table next to his, so James had been able to observe it from start to end. At the time, he had thought it nothing but a flagrant expression of emotion—the kind of thing that would have gotten someone purged on his home world of Zeaga Four. But now he considered it again, analyzing the memory rapidly. How was he supposed to act in this situation? How had the Beast Kindred helped his mate?

  He remembered the human female’s flushed cheeks and tear-filled eyes—so like Ka’rissa’s eyes were now. And he thought again of how her mate had gathered her into his arms and simply held her. Was that the way to help ease Ka’rissa’s pain—through physical contact? Though he had never done anything like it before, James sensed that it was.

  Sitting on the side of the Princess’s bed, he put an arm around her shaking shoulders and gathered her gently to his chest.

  At first, Ka’rissa froze in his arms. But when James only held her and didn’t do anything threatening, she relaxed against him and pressed her face to his chest. Sobs shook her as she clung to him and James felt an even stronger urge to help her—to ease and calm her sorrow somehow.

  “Tell me how to help you, Princess,” he growled softly, stroking her trembling back and shoulders as that invisible fist squeezed his heart. “I don’t know anything about curing emotions, but I want to help you cure yours.”

  She looked up at him with wet eyes.

  “Emotions aren’t…aren’t something you can cure,” she whispered, her voice breaking on the words.

  “Then how can I turn your bad emotions into good ones?” James asked honestly. “How can I make you ‘feel better’ as the feelers say?”

  Ka’rissa swiped at her eyes and looked up at him uncertainly.

  “You can say that you don’t think I’m bad or wrong or dirty to start with,” she whispered. “You can say you don’t believe the awful things Lady Mildew said about me.”

  “Of course I don’t,” James said at once, frowning. “I think she is irrationally angry at the loss of her position as your Companion and she wants to find a way to hurt you because of it. I have observed that feelers who have pain sometimes want to give pain to others,” he added. “It’s just another reason why emotions are illogical and not at all useful.”

  “But emotions can be wonderful too—positive emotions, anyway,” she objected. “I was feeling very positive and happy when I was dancing with you at the ball tonight,” she added, giving him a shy glance through her long lashes. “I wouldn’t want to give up those feelings just to become more ‘logical.’”

  James thought of the experience of dancing with her and had to admit she might be right. He’d felt a great deal of satisfaction knowing that he was holding her in his arms. Also, keeping time with the up-tempo music and whirling the petite Princess around the room as she laughed and smiled up at him had given him a warm glow in his chest that seemed to radiate to his entire body. Was that…happiness?

  Surely not, he told himself. I was simply satisfied that I was doing my job correctly and protecting Ka’rissa’s physical and mental wellbeing.

  But he couldn’t remember ever having that warm glow before or enjoying moving to music in the way he had tonight. Was this why the Collective had outlawed music on Zeaga Four? Because it really could cause emotions?

  But was it the music causing that glow you felt…or the fact that you were holding the Princess in your arms and she was laughing and smiling at you? asked a little voice in his head.

  James didn’t know, but he decided it would be foolish to try and analyze the situation now. At the moment, he was trying to comfort Ka’rissa and ease her pain. And from the look on her face, he thought he might be succeeding.

  “Do you feel better now?” he asked, stroking a long strand of curly hair away from her eyes so he could see them better. “Have I fixed you?”

  She gave a little laugh.

  “No, you didn’t ‘fix’ me, but you certainly made me feel better.” She bit her lip. “Though…I do not know if it is proper for you to hold me in your arms in this way.�
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  “Why not?” James asked, mystified. “I held you in my arms as we danced tonight and no one thought that was improper.”

  “Well, yes, but we’re in my bed and I’m not wearing much,” she pointed out. “If someone were to walk in on us right now they might think you were…” She bit her lip, her cheeks going rosy with a blush. “Might think you were trying to…to kiss me,” she whispered.

  “I’m aware that a male shouldn’t press his lips to a female’s without her permission,” James told her. “Or without some kind of understanding between them—like a prior relationship. So please don’t worry—I wouldn’t do that.”

  “I know you wouldn’t,” Ka’rissa said quickly. “I just…wouldn’t want anyone else to think that you would.”

  James frowned.

  “A person’s image—how they are perceived by others—is very important here on Regalia Five, isn’t it?”

  Her eyes widened.

  “It’s everything. Once your image—your reputation—is ruined, your life is over. The whole Court does nothing all day but gossip and spread rumors about each other. That is why a lady’s image must be beyond reproach.”

  James shook his head.

  “That seems like a very ‘unhappy’—to borrow a feeler term—way to live. But I actually think I understand it.”

  “You do?” Ka’rissa asked.

  He nodded.

  “Back on my home world of Zeaga Four, we were all constantly being analyzed and monitored for any signs of ‘feel crime’—the crime of having emotions,” he explained. “The constant scrutiny could be…wearing at times. Even though I had no emotions, I couldn’t help wondering what might happen if someone higher up the chain of command—closer to the Collective—thought I was having them and acted accordingly.”

  “And what happened to you if you were caught, uh, ‘feeling’?” Ka’rissa asked. Her eyes were wide as she watched him.

  James shrugged.

  “You were purged. It was a daily occurrence because sometimes a warrior’s emotion damper would fail and they would start feeling before they could stop themselves from it.”