Instructing the Novice Read online

  “What?” Lone exclaimed. “But Lizabeth’s hurt! She needs medical attention at once! I have to get her to the Mother Ship quickly—I have to—”

  “YOU WILL NOT FOLD SPACE.” The Goddess’s words thundered in his ears, making him feel deaf and also stupid—what was wrong with him, arguing with the Goddess herself?

  “Forgive me, Goddess,” he said in a low voice. “It’s just that I love her so much and she’s been through such horrible trauma tonight. I just…just want to heal her.”

  “And so you shall, Warrior.” The Goddess’s voice was a little gentler now. “Look to your viewscreen.”

  Lone did as he was told and saw, to his astonishment, the blue, swirling vortex of a wormhole opening right in front of the ship.

  “What’s that?” he murmured hoarsely, staring at it. “A rogue wormhole? I’ve never seen one just open like that before.”

  “Don’t be afraid, Warrior—this is your path home,” the Goddess told him. “Fly forward without fear. And remember—that which was broken may always be healed. If you have the patience and devotion to heal it. Now, farewell.”

  The presence faded and at last Lone was able to get a deep breath again. He stared for a moment at the rogue wormhole…then launched the ship into it.

  He had already foolishly argued with the Goddess once—he wasn’t going to do it again.

  Twenty-Two

  “All right—here we are, back at your own suite. Home suite home—no pun intended.”

  Kat laughed nervously and Lizabeth got the idea she was making her friend uncomfortable. Probably because she was so changed now—silent and withdrawn—after what she’d been through and her long recovery at the Mother Ship’s main med center.

  “Thank you Kat…Liv,” she made herself say to the girls helping her. She was still walking stiffly because of the Friezen words branded into the skin of her inner thighs. She had been given some ointment to help numb the pain and to heal the worst of the burns, but she would be marked for life in that area.

  Marked in more than one way, she thought bitterly. The last place the Friezen Shaman’s knife had cut her was the worst because she couldn’t feel anything there now—nothing at all.

  “I am so sorry, Councilor Paige,” Commander Sylvan, who was also a doctor, had said when explaining her final diagnosis. “But the nerve endings were not only cut but cauterized by the…” He swallowed hard, a look of pity coming over his face. “By the red-hot knife you told me was used on you. Kindred medical technology is very advanced but in such a delicate area…”

  “It’s all right,” Lizabeth had said dully—or rather, husked. Her voice, like so much of the rest of her, was never going to be the same. All the screaming she’d done had ruptured some of her vocal chords. So she was never going to argue in court again—at least, not without the help of a voice projector of some kind.

  “Councilor Paige…” Sylvan had seemed to hesitate before going on. “I’m told by Lone, your assistant that the two of you formed a…a connection,” he said delicately at last. “Often in these cases, a Kindred male is able to help or even heal the female he is connected to by—”

  “No.” Lizabeth held up a hand to stop him. “No, I don’t want to see him. And no, I don’t want him to try and heal me,” she whispered in her ruined voice. “Lone thinks he loves me but he’s wrong. And I…” She shook her head. “I’ll never be the same again. He needs to get over me and move on.”

  “I don’t think you understand how it is with Kindred. Once they find the one female in the universe they are destined to be mated to they can’t just ‘move on.’ They are forever tied—” Sylvan had begun but Lizabeth had only shaken her head. “Just let me go,” she told him. “I want to go back to my own suite and be alone.”

  “Very well.” Sylvan had looked unhappy. “You’re as healed as we can make you. Unless you’d like to consider the surgery on your voice or the skin grafts on your thighs that we discussed? We have a Tolleg surgeon on board the Mother Ship who is excellent at such procedures.”

  “No thank you.” Lizabeth didn’t like the idea of having an artificial voice box—she thought she would probably sound like a robot. And she’d had enough people between her thighs to last her for a lifetime. She just wanted to go home and lick her wounds for awhile in privacy.

  “All right. Then I’m discharging you. But please come see me again if you change your mind.” Sylvan had called for her nurse, Liv, who happened to be friends with Lizabeth’s other friend, Kat. And so the two of them had brought her back to her private suite on the Mother Ship and here was where Lizabeth intended to stay—locked away from the rest of the world indefinitely.

  “Would you like to sit on the couch? Maybe watch a trashy movie to take your mind off things, doll?” Kat asked her.

  “Sure. That would be fine I guess.” Lizabeth shrugged listlessly. It didn’t really matter what she did—nothing mattered anymore, she thought. She was changed now—not just on the outside but on the inside too. She wasn’t herself anymore—she wasn’t the confident, successful attorney she’d been before she left for Yonnie Two. Now she was just…broken.

  They got her settled and Liv stepped back, hands on her hips as she frowned uncertainly.

  “I don’t like leaving you here alone,” she said, shaking her head. “I have to get back to my shift at the med center and Kat needs to pick up her kids from daycare but why don’t you let us call someone for you?”

  “What about your assistant, Lone?” Kat asked hopefully. “Liv says he’s been coming by to see you every day, you know. Don’t you miss him?”

  Lizabeth looked down at her hands. Did she miss Lone? Of course she did—and she could still feel his sorrow and longing coming through their emotional bond. But it was like she’d told Sylvan now—she was a changed woman—broken both inside and out. It wasn’t fair to tie someone as young and vibrant as Lone to herself. If she just kept ignoring him and putting him off, he’d forget her soon enough, she told herself. It was better that way—better to let him go free.

  “No,” she lied dully. “I don’t miss him—and I don’t want to see him.”

  “Sylvan said that he told him you two had formed a connection,” Liv protested. “Are you sure you don’t want to see him?”

  “A connection?” Kat put a hand on her ample hip and raised an eyebrow at Lizabeth. “What kind of connection exactly and how did you form it?”

  “None of your business,” Lizabeth whispered defensively. “We just—ouch!”

  She grabbed at the side of her head and doubled over in sudden pain. A spike of pure agony had just stabbed right through her left eye and it was still going on. It felt like someone had shoved a dull knife in her eye socket and was digging around in there.

  “What? What is it?” Liv was by her side immediately, concern written all over her pretty face. “Oh, I knew Sylvan was letting you go too soon! We have to get you back to the med center right away!”

  “It’s not a matter for the med center.” Kat was still looking cool as a cucumber, a little frown playing around the corners of her mouth.

  “What do you mean? She’s clearly in pain!” Liv exclaimed.

  “Yes, but there’s nothing you or Sylvan or anybody at the med center can do to help her,” Kat said. “The only one who can help her now is Lone.”

  “What are you talking about?” Lizabeth demanded in a hoarse whisper, looking up at her friend who was still frowning at her. What was wrong with Kat and why was she being like this?

  “I’m talking about the partial bond you formed with your assistant when the two of you were away at that Tower place,” Kat said sternly. “That’s what ‘connection’ is code for, isn’t it? The two of you formed a bond only it’s not complete.”

  “How do you know that?” Lizabeth asked in an indignant whisper. “Did Lone talk to you?”

  “No, he only talked to Sylvan and me in the strictest confidence,” Liv was quick to reassure her. “And he only said you two ha
d a connection—I didn’t know he meant a partial bond.” She frowned. “I don’t think Sylvan knew either or he wouldn’t have been so quick to discharge you and let you go home on your own without Lone.”

  “I don’t need Lone and he sure as hell doesn’t need to be saddled with me,” Lizabeth whispered angrily.

  “Saddled with you? Honey, he loves you!” Liv exclaimed. “He’s been coming around hoping you’ll see him every day since he brought you in. Can’t you tell the poor guy is completely gone on you?”

  Lizabeth shook her head. “He only thinks he is. And now that I’m…the way I am, I just want him to forget about me.”

  “Well, you’d better hope he doesn’t,” Kat snapped. “Because you need him, Lizabeth!”

  “I told you, I don’t—ow!” The dull spike of pain had gone through her right eye this time. It was like the worst migraine in the world. Lizabeth doubled over, clutching her head, wondering dismally if she was going to be sick.

  “So you don’t need him, huh?” Kat asked, still completely unsympathetic. “Even though it feels like someone is hammering a rusty railroad spike into your eye?”

  The pain eased a little and Lizabeth was able to look up at her friend.

  “How…how do you know—?”

  “I’m right, aren’t I?” Kat asked.

  “Well…yes.” Lizabeth nodded reluctantly.

  “I thought so. It’s one of the signs of an incomplete bond.”

  “But what can I do about it?” Lizabeth whispered desperately. “It’s horrible.”

  “You’ve got to complete the bond that you and Lone started.” Kat pointed at her sternly. “Soon.”

  “But how could she form a bond with a Twin Kindred who doesn’t have a twin in the first place?” Liv protested. “And how can she complete it?”

  “I don’t know,” Kat said grimly. “But she’d better try or the pain she’s having in her head is going to get a whole lot worse. Believe me, doll,” she added, pointing at Lizabeth. “I’m speaking from painful personal experience.”

  “So…this happened to you too?” Lizabeth asked weakly.

  Kat nodded. “Back when I first got together with my guys, we accidentally formed a partial bond. I could feel all their emotions and they could feel mine but we weren’t fully bonded so our link was incomplete. I had the awful eye-spike pain like you’re experiencing, not to mention extreme fatigue and weakness. It was awful.”

  “But…I can’t tie Lone to me just to avoid the pain,” Lizabeth protested. “It’s not fair to him to ask him to give up his life just so I won’t hurt anymore.”

  “Why don’t you ask your man what he thinks is ‘fair’?” Kat asked.

  “And you can bet that he’s hurting too, being apart from you,” Liv said quietly. “Maybe not in the same way you are, but once a Kindred has given you his heart, he can’t take it back. Being parted from you is probably agony for him.”

  “But…but he’s so much younger than me,” Lizabeth protested. “Surely this is just a crush—a passing phase. “He’ll find some other girl his own age and—”

  “Wait—how long have you been living on the Mother Ship and working with the Kindred now?” Kat interrupted her. “You ought to know by now that Kindred don’t get ‘crushes.’ They find the one woman in the universe they’re meant to bond with and then they pursue her with a single-minded intensity.”

  “Kat is right, hon—Lone isn’t just going to forget about you,” Liv said quietly. “I remember back when Baird and I were getting together. I did everything in my power to get away from him during our Claiming Period. I broke his heart and he still gave himself up as a sacrifice to the All Father to keep me safe. The love of a Kindred isn’t the same as the love of a human man—it doesn’t waver or fade with time. It’s rock solid—something you can hold onto for life.”

  Lizabeth remembered that Commander Sylvan had tried to tell her something similar back in the med center but she hadn’t wanted to listen to him. But then she remembered further back…to her time with Arturo and then again with her ex-husband. Both of them had left her for younger women and though she tried not to show it, that had hurt badly… Could she really trust that Lone wouldn’t do that to her? And was it really fair to ask him to tie his life to a much-older woman?

  He’s so young and vibrant, she thought despairingly. And I…I’m not. In fact, just in the time since they had returned to the Mother Ship, she had really been feeling her age. Her body just wasn’t bouncing back like it had in her youth. Not that she’d ever had quite so much to bounce back from, she thought wryly. Nobody had ever tied her to a table and taken a red-hot knife to her before.

  But it was more than just the aftereffects of the torture she’d gone through that was bothering her. She was feeling sick in the morning when she woke up, her back ached and certain smells, like the rubbing alcohol in the med center or the tomato soup Liv had brought her for lunch one day turned her stomach. Also, as though to make up for the numbness down below, her breasts were extra tender lately. And now, to top it off, she had to contend with shooting pains in her eyes. Lizabeth felt like she was falling apart!

  At least I haven’t had any needing episodes since that night in the rocking chair with Lone, she thought dully. That on top of everything else would have been unbearable.

  “Look, doll—at least talk to Lone,” Kat said cajolingly, breaking into her dismal thoughts. “Even just touching his hand will help the awful eye spikes go away—I promise.”

  “Really?” Lizabeth asked hopefully.

  “Really.” Kat nodded firmly. “I promise. But you have to touch him—you have to have skin-to-skin contact for it to help.”

  “Well…” Lizabeth still felt a certain reluctance to see her assistant. After all the crazy and embarrassing and life-threatening things they had been through together, she couldn’t help feeling like it would be awkward as hell to be in the same room with him again. But as another spike dug into her left eye socket, she had to acknowledge that she didn’t have a choice.

  “All right,” she groaned in a hoarse whisper. “All right—I’ll talk to him. Just…let me get cleaned up first. I need a shower.”

  Liv looked torn. “I’m really supposed to be getting back to the med center but I don’t like leaving you alone until we can find Lone.”

  “I’ll stay with her and make sure she’s okay until we can locate Lone,” Kat said. “I’ll get Sophie to pick up my three when she gets her twins from daycare. It’s a big ask but I’ll owe her one.”

  “All right.” Liv looked relieved. “Please let me know if you have any other symptoms, Lizabeth,” she said. “And of course, I’m going to let Sylvan know what’s going on too.”

  “I understand.” Lizabeth nodded. “Thanks for your help, Liv. You’re a wonderful nurse.”

  “I just want to make sure you’ll be all right. If Kat wasn’t staying here with you, I’d want you to come back with me to the med center.” Liv sighed and then leaned down to give Lizabeth a spontaneous hug.

  Lizabeth was surprised into hugging her back.

  “Take care of yourself and give Lone a chance,” Liv murmured in her ear. She gave Lizabeth a final squeeze and then left.

  “All right now,” Kat said briskly, as soon as the front door to Lizabeth’s suite had slid shut behind her. “Let’s get you all dolled up to meet your man.”

  Lizabeth started to protest but Kat was already pulling her to her feet and propelling her to the bathroom. It looked like the decision had been taken out of her hands.

  Lone paced nervously up and down the entrance to the corridor that led to Lizabeth’s suite. He’d been told by Commander Sylvan when he came to see her that she had been released from medical care and was going back to her own suite. Now that she was out of the crowded busy med center, he was determined to see her face-to-face.

  She doesn’t want to see you, whispered a dark little voice in his head. She hates you now—or else she’s frightened of you. Think about
the things she watched you do—the butchery and carnage…

  Lone shook his head, trying to push the bloody images away. He’d been having nightmares about the acts he’d committed during his period of Rage ever since the two of them had returned to the Mother Ship. So much so that he’d sought out a support group for Kindred males who had been in similar situations. There was no blame there—only understanding. A Kindred warrior was normally gentle and kind but he was capable of terrible acts of bloody retribution when he felt the female he loved was in danger. This led to situations like the one Lone had found himself in and the aftereffects could be substantial.

  It was the support group and the insight he had gained there that had finally helped Lone decide to go and confront Lizabeth in person. He’d been trying to see her for days at the med center, but she always told the nurses to send him away. Well, no more! He was going to talk to her and they were going to hash this out once and for all.

  It had hurt him more than he could say when she wouldn’t see him…wouldn’t even consider letting him heal her, though he had begged Commander Sylvan to ask her about it. How could she ignore the bond between them? How could she keep sending him away when he was sure she could feel his love for her through their bond, just the way he felt her sadness and misery, coming across loud and clear?

  Well, now he was determined they would talk it out. If Lizabeth hated or feared him now, he needed to know that instead of just imagining it in his head. He needed to hear her say she didn’t want him and why she didn’t want to see him. He needed to try to make things right.

  Until that happened, his whole life was in limbo.

  Please, Goddess, he prayed as he walked down the corridor and came to stand in front of her door. Please let her be willing to talk to me. Let us work this out. I love her so much—please let me show her—