Healing the Broken Read online

  Sophie’s pretty green eyes softened a little.

  “I’ll take the clothes and make sure they get to the constant care house. But why don’t you give Tsandor the toys yourself?”

  “Oh…well, if you think that would be all right,” Sarah faltered.

  “Of course it will be all right. Look, he’s right over here, painting a Christmas tree with the others.”

  She took the bag from Sarah and gestured to a little boy with curly, golden blond hair who was bent studiously over a surprisingly good painting of a Christmas tree.

  Feeling awkward, Sarah tucked the toys she’d bought under one arm and approached the little boy. He was taller than the rest and looked nothing at all like Commander Sazar in coloring, although his finely molded features were very like his father’s.

  What gorgeous blond hair—he must take after his mother, Sarah thought. She watched quietly for a moment as he worked with fierce concentration, the tip of his tongue poking out from the corner of his mouth. She couldn’t help noticing all the other children were painting green Christmas trees but Tsandor’s was a defiant teal color with purple and yellow ornaments.

  “Hello, Tsandor,” she began in a soft, low voice.

  “Hi.” He dabbed a final blob of purple paint on his turquoise Christmas tree and then turned his face up to hers. His beautiful crystal blue eyes widened as he took her in.

  Sarah thought he must be afraid because she was a stranger.

  “Hi Tsandor,” she said again. “Your father sent me. I’m Sarah and—”

  “Sarah! Sarah!” To her surprise, he dropped his paintbrush and rushed into her arms, grabbing her around the waist and pressing his face eagerly to her midsection.

  “Oh!” gasped Sarah. He was quite big for his age—no doubt he got his size from his father—and he nearly bowled her over.

  “I was waiting for you to come!” He looked up at her with shining eyes. “Shad said it wouldn’t be long. He said the Goddess told him so—she talks to him sometimes. Isn’t that nice?”

  “I…I guess…yes, it certainly is,” Sarah said, uncertain what else to say. “But…how do you know me?”

  “Shad told me all about you,” he said impatiently. “He said you’d be coming to be with me and my daddy now that my mommy is with the Goddess.”

  Sarah looked helplessly at Kat and Sophie who were watching with wide eyes.

  “Shad…told you?” she asked.

  “Shad is my little boy,” Kat said, nodding at a child with white-blond hair and big dark eyes. He was watching as Tsandor hugged her with a strangely knowing expression on his young face. “He…knows things sometimes.”

  “The prophesy,” Sarah heard Sophie whisper to Kat. “Remember what Dani told us the Goddess told her in the Sacred Grove?”

  “How could I forget?” Kat murmured back.

  Sarah wanted to ask what they were talking about but she still had an armful of eager four-almost-five-year-old and found she couldn’t easily extricate herself. Not that she wanted too—the excited, hopeful expression on Tsandor’s sweet face tugged at her heart. She’d always liked children and there was something about this little boy that seemed to call to her.

  “Hey,” she said and gently hugged him back. “I’m really glad to meet you, Tsandor.”

  “I’m so glad you’re finally here.” He nuzzled against her, leaving a smear of paint on her new suit jacket but Sarah found she didn’t even care. “I dreamed about you, you know. I’ve been waiting for so long to meet you.”

  “Well…I’ve been waiting to meet you too,” Sarah said, smiling at him. “I brought you some new clothes—and some toys. Would you like to see them?”

  “Sure!” He eased his grip on her and Sarah was able to crouch down beside him, to get on his level.

  “Well, let’s see,” she said, pulling out the first toy. “How do you like this? It’s a model of the Mother Ship—I thought it was really neat when I saw it.”

  “Cool!” Tsandor’s eyes shone as he carefully took the tiny scale model from her. It was the size of a Matchbox car—about as long as his hand. “Look, you can see the docking bay and everything,” he exclaimed, pointing at the toy. “Thanks!”

  “You’re welcome—thank you for your good manners,” Sarah said, smiling. “I do have one more thing but, well, I’m not sure if you’ll like it or not.”

  “What is it?” He slipped the scale model of the Mother Ship carefully into his front pocket. “Can I see?”

  “It’s this.” Sarah pulled out a small stuffed elephant and showed it to him. “I had a stuffed animal like this when I was little—I called him Mr. Nosey.”

  Tsandor started at the stuffed animal in obvious confusion.

  “What is it?”

  “It’s an elephant,” Sarah said, rather surprised. “Haven’t you ever seen an elephant? Maybe at the zoo or in a video?”

  Tsandor shook his blond curls.

  “Uh-uh. Is it an Earth animal? My daddy and I came from Tranq Prime—we didn’t have any ef… efulumps there.”

  “Elephants,” Sarah corrected gently. “This one is small but the real ones are huge. Bigger than your daddy.”

  His crystal blue eyes widened.

  “Wow—really? Is it as big as a vranna?”

  It was Sarah’s turn to frown in confusion.

  “What’s a vranna?”

  “Um…it’s kinda hard to explain.” His face brightened. “I made one out of clay the other day—it should be dry by now. Wanna see?”

  “Well, sure.” Bemused, Sarah allowed him to take her hand and lead her into a small structure where the art supplies were stored. There was a shelf which he could reach by standing on tiptoes which contained several “sculptures” made of Play-Doh.

  Carefully, Tsandor brought his down—a turquoise and purple collection of lumps which looked a little like an animal. At least, it had a body, a head, and four long appendages.

  “See?” he said proudly. “I made it for my daddy. Do you want to bring it to him?”

  “I’ll be happy to.” Sarah took the lumpy sculpture from him carefully. “This is great—I’m sure he’ll love it.”

  “I wish I could give it to him myself, though.” Tsandor’s big eyes were suddenly wistful. “Are you going to take me away with you now?” he asked hopefully. “So I can live with you and daddy?”

  “Well…I’m afraid I’m not here to take you away,” Sarah said as gently as she could. And added, “Not yet, anyway,” because she couldn’t stand to see the broken hope on his little face. “First your daddy and I have to go on a, uh, top secret mission to another planet. Okay?”

  He sighed. “Okay. But you’ll be back soon, right? And then we’ll all live together?”

  “Um, well…maybe so,” Sarah said cautiously. She still had no idea how long the diplomatic mission to Alquon Ultrea would last and she didn’t want to give the little boy false hope.

  False hope? exclaimed a little voice in her head sarcastically. What do you think you’re doing by letting him think he’s going to live with you and Commander Sazar? As if the three of you would be some kind of a family?

  The idea was laughable. The big, handsome Kindred commander would never want anything to do with dowdy, plus-sized Sarah. He might be willing to take her as an assistant and drink her blood every so often (once a week, as specified by the contract, she reminded herself,) but that didn’t mean he would ever want any kind of romantic attachment with her.

  She tried to push away the shiver she felt at the idea of romance with her new boss.

  Your boss, that’s all he is, she reminded herself. And that’s the way it’s going to stay, no matter what strange ideas Tsandor has somehow cooked up in that funny little head of his.

  “So tell me more about vrannas,” she said, trying to change the subject.

  “Okay.” The tousled blond head nodded. “If you’ll tell me more about efulumps.”

  Sarah wound up staying at the day care center for hours—talkin
g and playing with Tsandor, getting to know the little boy who already seemed to know a startling amount about her. He told her about the strange and ferocious beasts on his native world of Tranq Prime and she tried to explain about elephants and other Earth animals.

  Finally she found a book about zoo animals in the reading corner and they sat with their heads together, studying it as she pointed out plant eaters and predators, much to his intense interest. He was smart as a whip—she could tell that. He asked surprisingly astute questions and was already reading in English though she knew it wasn’t his native language.

  She even stayed for supper, when Sophie invited her to, and got to meet with the caregivers who staffed the constant care facility. Every one of them talked about what a sweet little boy Tsandor was…and how much he missed his father.

  “I wish he would come around more,” Lola, the girl who watched over Tsandor most told her. “That little boy just pines for his daddy day and night. In fact, he’s been sad and withdrawn for days—until you showed up.” She smiled. “I’ve never seen him light up for anyone but Commander Sazar the way he lit up for you. Did you know him before, on Tranq Prime?”

  “No,” Sarah admitted. “Honestly, I just met him for the first time today.”

  But somehow that didn’t feel right. She had the strangest feeling that she’d seen Tsandor before—maybe in a dream? It seemed silly but the nagging notion wouldn’t leave her, though she told herself she was being ridiculous. Still, how could she explain the way that Tsandor had instantly known her?

  I dreamed about you, he had said. And he’d also claimed that Kat’s little boy had told him she would be coming. But how could any of that be true? Unless the Kindred Goddess was more than just an abstract idea—more than just a false deity.

  Sarah didn’t believe in God or gods or goddesses. At least, not the God she was taught about during her time at the Compound. According to Father Caleb, God insisted that women should serve men and do as they were told. Sarah knew she was little and unimportant but she rejected the idea of a deity who insisted she was less just because of her sex. A deity who commanded her to submit herself to The Prophet and let him “plant his seed” in her.

  Ugh—don’t think of it, she ordered herself. Just enjoy being here with Tsandor. You’re away from the Compound and The Brotherhood now—they’ll never be able to find you here. You’re safe—try to enjoy yourself and forget the past.

  So enjoy herself she did. After supper, she read Tsandor a few more books and then it was bedtime.

  “Would you like to tuck him in?” Lola asked, with a smile when Tsandor came out in his pajamas with his face washed and his teeth brushed. “You two seem to have really hit it off.”

  “Yes, yes—please Sarah! Please tuck me in!” Tsandor begged.

  Sarah couldn’t keep a smile from tugging at the corners of her mouth.

  “With an invitation like that, how can I refuse?”

  “Goody!” Tsandor took her by the hand and led her through the long hallway of the constant care house to his own small dormitory, where he slept in a small bed. There were five other little beds in the room as well, with boys already asleep in them.

  She watched as Tsandor climbed into bed and then tucked the coverlet up to his chin as he cuddled the toy elephant she’d given him—which he had named “Lump-lump”—short for Efulump.

  “Good night…Sarah,” he murmured with a yawn.

  “Good night, Tsandor.” She stroked his blond curls away from his forehead and felt a rush of love for the little face looking sleepily back at her. What was it about this little boy that tugged at her heart so?

  “Promise you’ll come back soon,” he ordered her, even as his eyes grew heavy. “Promise…” he yawned. “Promise you’ll come back and you and me and daddy will all live together.”

  “I promise to come back,” Sarah said softly. Her heart ached for him—how she wished she could give him what he really wanted—the promise of a real family to come home to. But that could never be, she was certain. Commander Sazar should be dating some kind of super model—not a runaway from the Compound who was short and dowdy and not exactly thin.

  “You remind me…remind me of my mommy,” Tsandor told her, still yawning. “You don’t look like her but you act like her.”

  “Thank you, Tsandor—that’s a beautiful compliment. But…what happened to your mommy?” she asked gently. She didn’t want to push but it would be nice to know.

  He shook his head sleepily.

  “Don’t know. One day she fell down when she was making me lunch. Then daddy called the healer and she had to go away and then…” His half-closed eyes grew suddenly bright with tears. “And then she never came back any more. For a long time daddy said she was just sick but then, after we got here…” He sniffed. “Then they told me she went to be with the Goddess. I miss her,” he added in a small voice. “But you remind me of her. You smell so nice and you’re soft to hug.” A tear rolled down his flushed cheek and he buried his face in the soft gray plush of the stuffed elephant.

  Sarah felt like she might start crying herself. She knew what it felt like to lose a parent, if not by death then by abandonment. Her own father had left her to the tender mercies of The Brotherhood and her mother was lost to reason—lost to anything but the words of The Prophet, Father Caleb whom she considered to be divine and beyond judgment.

  “I’m so sorry, Tsandor,” she whispered, leaning down to kiss his hot little cheek. “I know you miss her.”

  “I do.” His voice was muffled. “But it’s okay because you’re here now. When I told Shad about my dream of you, he said you were coming to fix daddy and me. To…to…heal us.” One crystal blue eye peeked out from behind Efulump’s furry side. “I don’t know why he said that though. We’re not sick but I’m awful glad you’re here anyway.”

  “I’m glad I am too,” Sarah whispered, and really meant it. “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

  “G’night.” Tsandor yawned again. Apparently he was all worn out. “I’ll see you soon, right?”

  “As soon as I get back,” Sarah promised him. She made a promise to herself too—she would come and visit this lonely little boy as often as she could while she lived here on the Mother Ship. She might not be able to offer him the family he so desperately desired but she could at least give him the love he was lacking.

  Why is he lacking it though? Why won’t Commander Sazar comes see him? She had no answer for that question. It was true that Sazar seemed like a cold and withdrawn person—was he unable to love his son? Or was there some other reason—something else that was holding him back?

  Well, I just met him—it’s not my place to ask, Sarah told herself. But there was one thing she could do—she still had the Play-Doh sculpture of the vranna wrapped carefully in tissues in her battered handbag. She could at least give that to Commander Sazar and give him Tsandor’s love.

  “I’m afraid I have to ask you to leave now,” Lola, who had come in the room to check on the sleeping boys, whispered in her ear. “Lights out at seven o’clock sharp, you know. They need a lot of sleep at this age.”

  “Seven o’clock?” Sarah looked at her watch—a scratched Timex which had been her mother’s before they entered The Brotherhood. “Oh no—seven o’clock—nineteen hundred hours!” she gasped.

  “Well, yes—if you want to give it in military time.” Lola looked confused. “Is everything okay?”

  “I’m afraid not.” Sarah was already rushing out the door. “I was supposed to meet with Commander Sazar—Tsandor’s father—fifteen minutes ago.”

  Chapter Four

  She was late. Late, Goddess damn it! What in the Seven Hells was wrong with her? She’d had hours to complete the few simple errands he’d given her and where was she?

  Maybe you shouldn’t have set her lose on the Mother Ship with no one to guide her when she’s never been here before, whispered the voice of guilt in his head. Are you sure she’s all right? What if something’s happened
to her? Something could, you know—people can die at any time for no outward reason. You know that.

  Yes, he knew it from bitter personal experience but he refused to dwell on it now.

  Irritably, Sazar pushed his guilt and worry away. The Mother Ship was a big place but it was also a safe place, even for a female alone. Sarah would be all right. He was almost sure of it.

  If she’s all right then why is she late? Where is she? Why hasn’t she used the Think-me and bespoken you yet? the voice in his head demanded. Damn it, why wouldn’t the fucking thing just shut up?

  He supposed he could use a Think-me himself and call her but he’d given her his only one and he would have to go find another. Maybe he should do that? Then again, why was he so worried about her? She was only a little human assistant—he shouldn’t be getting so worked up—should he?

  The Blood Hunger gnawed at Sazar, making everything worse. His head throbbed and his fangs ached. His throat felt as dry as a Karnethian desert.

  Gods, what if something had happened to her? What if she’d fallen on the tram tracks and been run over? Or what if she’d wandered into the Unmated Males area by accident—now there was a pleasant thought. As safe as most of the Mother Ship was, the Unmated Males section was the definite exception to that rule. If she’d somehow gotten in there…

  He started up from his chair to go get a Think-me when a sudden rapping at the front door of his suite interrupted his guilty, worried thoughts. Sazar’s big hands clenched into fists.

  “Come!” he called harshly, his voice coming out strained and dry.

  The door slid open, revealing a flushed and panting Sarah. She had a bag over her arm and something wrapped in a wad of tissues clutched in her hand.

  “I’m so sorry, Commander Sazar,” she exclaimed. “I know I’m late. I—”

  “Where were you?” Before he could stop himself, Sazar was across the room in front of her. He took her by the shoulders and shook her once, hard.