Healing the Broken Read online

  Then Sarah stiffened abruptly and pulled away. With a great effort of will, Sazar let her.

  “I…I’m sorry,” she gasped. “I don’t know what came over me. I think…I thought I was having a dream. I just…I don’t…”

  “It’s all right.” He saw that she was flustered and embarrassed. He was ashamed himself—he shouldn’t be taking advantage of a subordinate, especially not in her vulnerable state. What was wrong with him? He’d never had any desire to kiss from any of his other assistants. In fact, he hadn’t even wanted to take blood from any of them, though it was a necessity. None of them attracted him but Sarah, well…this curvy little human was a different case.

  Trying to cover his own confusion as well as hers, he offered her the cup again.

  “Here—you need sustenance.”

  Sarah swallowed obediently several times.

  “Orange juice,” she said with a weak laugh when he took the cup from her lips. “Isn’t that what they give you when you donate blood? But where are my cookies? I’m supposed to get some of those too, right?”

  Sazar frowned. “I asked my computer operating system for a natural Earth liquid full of potassium and sugar to revive you after your recent blood loss and this is what it recommended. Should you also require something else such as these ‘cookies’ whatever those may be, I can have them sent up the food delivery chute as well.”

  It was Sarah’s turn to frown.

  “You don’t know what cookies are? And I thought I led a sheltered life. Even in the Compound we had cookies. Mostly only Father Caleb got to eat them but sometimes we could sneak one or two…” She trailed off when she saw him watching her.

  “What is the Compound?” Sazar asked softly. “Is that the place you ran away from? Is it a facility run by The Brotherhood of Peace?”

  Her eyes flickered nervously away from his face and he sensed she didn’t want to talk about it.

  “I’m just saying you ought to know about cookies, that’s all. Look, the orange juice worked—I’m not a bit dizzy anymore. Let me sit up.”

  She struggled against him and Sazar helped her up obligingly. But the moment she got to her feet, she started to wobble and he had to reach out quickly to catch her and pull her back into his lap.

  “Just relax,” he ordered her. “Sip some more of this juice of the orange and try to regain your strength.”

  “Orange juice—it’s orange juice, not juice of the orange,” she mumbled as he put the cup to her lips again.

  She finished the liquid this time but Sazar wouldn’t let her up again—not yet. He told himself he didn’t want her to faint and hurt herself but far in the back of his mind he couldn’t help thinking how long it had been since he’d held a female in his arms. Especially such a soft, curvy, delicate little female. The scent of her hair and skin drifted up to him like the warm aroma of some exotic flower and the taste of her mouth was still on his tongue.

  Her kisses were as sweet as her blood—he wanted more.

  Well, you can’t have more, he lectured himself. It’s not right—it should never have happened in the first place!

  Still, he couldn’t help holding her close and telling her to be still.

  “This isn’t right, you holding me like this,” she protested weakly. “You’re my boss. This isn’t…isn’t in the contract.”

  “I’m only holding you until I’m sure you won’t get dizzy and fall over,” Sazar remarked. “And as for our contract, I’m afraid I have already violated it. I took much more of your blood than was legally mandated.”

  Her large eyes turned up to his looking vulnerable and uncertain.

  “Will you always need this much? I mean, I’m just asking because I might need to start taking iron supplements or something…”

  Sazar shook his head.

  “I should never need so much blood from you again. I was…exceptionally thirsty when you offered yourself. I had been in a state of semi starvation ever since…” He cleared his throat, looking away. “Ever since my mate died.”

  “I’m sorry.” The compassion in Sarah’s voice caught him off guard and he looked back at her.

  “Sorry for what?”

  “Sorry for your loss. Sorry that I…pushed you earlier.” Her eyes flickered over to the clay vranna. “I haven’t known you long enough to, uh, lecture you. I don’t know your past. I shouldn’t have presumed.”

  “I don’t know your past either—not much of it,” Sazar pointed out. Although he certainly wanted to learn more. The few tidbits she’d dropped intrigued him. What or who was she running from at The Brotherhood of Peace? What had made her so desperate to take this job with him, even knowing she would have to give him her blood?

  Sarah’s eyes flickered again and he sensed she didn’t want to answer his unspoken question.

  “Tell you what,” she said. “Let’s let the past be the past. I won’t bother you about yours if you don’t bother me about mine.”

  “For now,” Sazar agreed gravely. “But to answer your earlier question, no, giving me your blood will not always be like it was tonight. I’m afraid there will still be pain—”

  “It’s not the pain I’m asking about—it’s the pleasure,” Sarah exclaimed.

  Sazar raised his eyebrows at her.

  “Pleasure?”

  “You know…” Her pale cheeks were getting pink, though she’d given him too much of her blood for them to grow truly red. “The way I felt when you were…were sucking from me. I mean I didn’t just feel it in my arm. I felt it in…well…”

  She gestured with one hand, waving vaguely to her breasts and the area between her thighs.

  Sazar couldn’t have been more shocked if she’d slapped him. For a moment he was speechless, trying to collect his thoughts. Could it be that this little human female had experienced the Blood Pleasure when he drank from her, even though they had no prior physical connection? But that was something only a Fated Mate would feel!

  Not even Malinda, as much as he had loved her, had felt the Blood Pleasure when he bit her to feed from her. She had only been able to experience ecstasy from his bite when he bit her during bonding sex and injected his essence—something which was impossible during feeding.

  “Tell me more about what you experienced,” he said urgently. “Describe it exactly—I need to know.”

  Her cheeks went even pinker.

  “Never mind. I must have imagined it. Look, can I please get up now, Commander Sazar?”

  So she was returning to their formal relationship—it was definitely a hint for him to let her go.

  Reluctantly, Sazar helped her get on her feet again. She wobbled for a moment but this time she didn’t fall over.

  “Sarah,” he said gravely. “Do you still want to work for me? I know tonight as been…traumatic. I shouted at you and nearly drained you dry. I violated our contract. For that I am truly sorry.”

  She lifted her chin.

  “Yes, I’ll still work for you. You don’t know what—” She bit her lip and he got the sense she was choosing her words carefully. “This job saved me,” she said at last. “Being up here in the Mother Ship away from Earth—it’s the best possible place for me.”

  “So it’s better to be with a superior who shouts at you and drinks your blood than to be back down on Earth?” Sazar asked quietly. “Who are you running from, Sarah?”

  “I…I don’t want to talk about it…Sir,” she added. “I should just…I need to go to bed.”

  “Very well.” Sazar would let her keep her secret—for now. He was fairly certain it had something to do with The Brotherhood of the Peace, for which she had worked for five years. But they were supposed to be a religious organization devoted to peace and self sacrifice. How could that be a bad thing?

  “I guess I’ll see you in the morning?” Sarah asked.

  He nodded thoughtfully.

  “Indeed. I’ll expect to see you after mid-meal—what your people call lunch. We’ll have a short briefing and then we�
�ll be on our way to Alquon Ultrea.”

  “Really?” Her eyes widened. “So soon?”

  “Is that a problem?” Sazar asked her. “I thought you wanted to be far from Earth. You can’t get much farther than going to a whole different galaxy.”

  She lifted her chin—he was quite beginning to like that defiant little gesture.

  “No, that’s fine with me. I was just…surprised, that’s all. But I’ll be ready—I met a new friend today—Kat. She’s married to the Twin Kindred officers Deep and Lock. She’s going to make us some Alquon clothes.”

  “That’s very good.” Sazar was pleased at her forethought. “I appreciate you taking steps to see that we’re prepared for our mission.”

  “I’ll make sure we're ready for anything,” Sarah promised. “See you after lunch tomorrow.”

  “All right. And Sarah?”

  She had been making her way to the door but she turned back.

  “Yes, Commander Sazar?”

  “Be certain you eat enough to replenish your strength,” Sazar ordered.

  She paled a little.

  “Okay. Are you, um, going to drink from me again?”

  He frowned. If she had really experienced the Blood Pleasure, she would be eager for him to drink again, not frightened or worried. Perhaps she had simply been imagining whatever sensations she’d felt after all.

  Well, that was disappointing but hardly surprising. Coming across a Fated Mate was a rare occurrence for a Pitch-Blood. So rare that not one male in ten thousand would ever find such a female in their lifetime.

  “No,” he said, answering her anxious question. “I’m not going to drink from you again for an entire week—as per our agreement. I simply want you to replenish what you have lost. I don’t want you to be too weak to function on Alquon Ultrea.”

  That defiant chin tilt again.

  “I’ll be fine, Sir—don’t worry about me.”

  “All right,” Sazar said simply. “I won’t.” But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t think about her. About how sweet her blood was, how delicious her scent, how soft and curvy she’d been in his arms—how good her mouth had tasted in that one moment she’d kissed him back. Gods, just thinking of it made his shaft hard!

  Which was plainly unacceptable.

  Have to stop this now, he told himself grimly. She’s your assistant. The humans have a name for acting on such feelings—it’s called sexual harassment.

  Sarah wobbled a little and for a moment he thought she would fall—then she righted herself and continued towards the door. Though he wanted to jump up and go sweep her into his arms so that he could carry her to her suite, Sazar restrained himself. He had to reign in his emotions—had to get this relationship back onto a professional track.

  “Good night, Ms. Michaels.” Deliberately, he made his voice cool and impersonal. “I’ll see you tomorrow after mid-meal.”

  “After lunch…Sir,” she agreed. She gave him a little nod of her head and then she went through the door and it whooshed shut behind her.

  Sazar sat staring after her for a long time.

  He had a bad feeling that his little human assistant had gotten firmly under his skin and he would have a Goddess damned hard time dislodging her.

  Chapter Six

  Oh my God, what was that all about? He held me—held me like a baby! And not only that, he wouldn’t let me go! And he kissed me—or I kissed him! I can’t believe I did that—I can’t believe I kissed my boss! It’s so embarrassing!

  Embarrassing yes, but it had felt incredible. And completely different from what she was used to.

  Sarah could still remember the way her skin had crawled every time Father Caleb had touched her. He hadn’t forced her to “meet his needs” as Sarah knew he forced others at the Compound. But he had strongly hinted that it was the proper thing for her to do. And when Sarah had persisted in not taking his broadly dropped hints, he had declared that it was time she became a Bride of the Prophet in order to have a “holy child.”

  Ugh! She pushed the thought away. Being held by Commander Sazar had been nothing like that. When he’d held her close to his broad, muscular chest she felt small and cherished and when he kissed her—or she kissed him, it was hard to tell which had actually happened—it seemed like her whole body was on fire with yearning for him.

  Just the memory of it made the tips of her breasts throb and the spot between her legs felt hot and achy.

  Sarah bit her newly healed lip and tried to ignore the feelings. She had been raised to believe that there were places on a woman’s body she shouldn’t touch. Forbidden places, meant only for the Prophet…or for her husband if one of the men of The Brotherhood decided to add her as a second or third wife or concubine.

  But I’m not letting them tell me how to dress anymore, Sarah told herself defiantly. The Controllers aren’t here and neither is Father Caleb. So why should I let what they taught me dictate my other actions?

  Why indeed?

  Walking into the bedroom of her guest suite, she pulled off her clothing and folded it neatly on the dresser. There was a lovely nightgown Kat had talked her into getting—a silky deep blue which showed up the auburn highlights in her chestnut hair.

  Sarah slipped it on and then, since she still felt a little dizzy from blood loss, she lay back on the bed. She started to run a hand over her breasts, bare beneath the nightgown, but a harsh voice intruded in her head.

  You must never touch yourselves in the forbidden areas, girls, lectured the voice of Sister Sylvia, the elderly matriarch who had ruled over the women of the Compound with an iron fist. It is wrong and disgusting. Only your husband or The Prophet may touch you there.

  Sarah stopped, her hand curling into a fist of pure frustration between her breasts. Damn it—why did her past keep intruding on her present?

  Only the hand of your husband should touch you there! Sister Sylvia insisted in her head.

  Well, what if…what if Commander Sazar was my husband?

  The naughty little thought brought a whole flood of fantasies with it. She could imagine him cradling her in his arms, just as he had when she’d fainted. But this time he wouldn’t just kiss her, he would touch her, his big hand moving over her body, teasing her nipples…stroking between her legs…

  As she pictured it, her own small hand copied what she saw in her mind’s eye. It glided over the silky nightdress, circling her puffy nipples gently until she moaned with surprised pleasure.

  God, that felt good! She’d known she was sensitive there but she’d never dared to touch herself deliberately before. She tugged lightly at her tender buds, imagining her fingers were Commander Sazar’s.

  “Oh, Commander Sazar,” she moaned softly. Pleasure zinged through her, electrifying…a revelation. It reminded her of the sensations she’d experienced while he’d fed from her.

  Another stray thought crossed her mind.

  He said he could call a vein from anywhere on my body. Could he call one here?

  She imagined the big Kindred bending over her, taking one tight pink nipple in his mouth. It would hurt when his fangs pierced her flesh but then after that, the deep sucking sensation that shot sparks of pleasure through her entire body would begin.

  “Oh! Commander Sazar,” she gasped as she imagined the forbidden sight of his sensuous lips wrapped around her nipple. “Oh! Do you really want to drink from me there?”

  Unbidden, one of her hands found its way lower, slipping between her thighs. The silky nightgown was still in the way but that didn’t stop the good feelings from coming when Sarah dared to press her fingers against the soft curls of her mound.

  More even than her nipples, this place was sensitive and extremely prone to pleasure.

  Pussy…The forbidden word formed in her head and she imagined Commander Sazar whispering to her.

  “I want to touch your pussy, Sarah. I want to taste you…to drink from you here.”

  Oh God, could he do that? Would he be able to drink from such a deli
cate area? Would it hurt? Or would it feel so good she couldn’t stand it?

  Sarah squeezed her thighs together, still pressing rhythmically with her hand.

  “Commander,” she whispered. “Oh Commander Sazar…Sazar…”

  His name rose like a prayer on her lips and she didn’t realize she was getting louder and louder. Pleasure shot through her, building and building. It felt incredible but somehow it seemed there should be more.

  It felt as though she was climbing a mountain—trying to reach a peak but something was always in the way. Sarah pressed harder, feeling almost desperate.

  Why can’t I reach it? I want to reach it. I need to!

  But she couldn’t get there.

  It was disappointing and frustrating, especially since Sarah had the feeling that if she could only reach that elusive peak of pleasure once, she would always be able to reach it in the future. But her body wouldn’t cooperate—maybe because she could still hear the disapproving voice of Sister Sylvia speaking in her ear, telling her what a dirty thing it was for a girl to touch herself and how only nasty girls did that—nice girls waited for their husband or the Prophet…

  But I didn’t even take off my gown! It’s not like I’m touching myself bare. The very thought made her shiver, it was so forbidden. But the fact that she wasn’t committing the ultimate sin didn’t seem to make any difference—she could feel the pleasure slipping, fading away.

  It wasn’t just the voice of Sister Sylvia either—it was the guilt she felt about using her new boss as fantasy material. How could she look him in the eye again after imagining him doing such indecent things to her?

  I really need to control myself better.

  With a frustrated sigh, Sarah gave up. Well, she had been at the Compound for nearly half her life. It would take time to get over all she had learned there—time to change herself and her worldview.

  I have time, she thought, trying to feel better about her failure to reach the peak. I have plenty of time. And I’ll be far away—where no one from The Brotherhood can ever reach me again. I’ll get there.

  Eventually…she hoped.