Guarding the Goddess Read online

  She pulled back for a moment, looking him in the eyes uncertainly.

  “Are you sure?” she whispered. “I mean, sure that it’s all right for me to do this?”

  “It’s all right, my Lady.” His deep voice was slightly hoarse. “Take me. I want you to.”

  Knowing that he wasn’t just permitting this to keep her safe but that he actually wanted to do it helped decide her and drove away the last of her uncertainty. Pressing her lips to his once more, Ellina slid the tip of her tongue into his mouth, searching for his fangs.

  She found them almost at once, long and hard and sharp—dangerous but undeniably desirable. She stroked gently up and down their length with the tip of her tongue and tasted something hot and sweet and spicy in return for her efforts.

  His essence—that must be his essence.

  Ellina hadn’t expected it to taste so good—hadn’t expected it to have any taste at all, truth be told. But she found she liked it very much—almost as much as the act of getting it from him in the first place.

  She moved to get closer to the big Kindred, throwing a leg over his lap and straddling him, though she hardly knew what she was doing. She just wanted to get closer…to deepen the kiss.

  As she stroked his fangs some more, she was dimly aware of his big, warm hands coming up to cup her waist and then move lower to squeeze her hips. A low groan rose in his throat and then she felt something hot and hard pressing between her legs…rubbing against her almost as though it wanted to be inside her…

  “Oh!” She drew back suddenly and looked down, ashamed to see that somehow she had gotten into his lap and was pressing against him. But what was even more worrisome was the way he was pressing against her.

  Pulling back some, she saw a long, hard ridge in the crotch of his tight leather trousers and knew at once what it must be.

  “That…is that your…your shaft?” she asked in a trembling voice as she looked at him.

  “It is.” He cleared his throat. “Forgive me, little one. I can’t help how my body reacts to yours.”

  “But you told me you didn’t want to breed me!” Fear rose in her throat as she pushed away from him. “You promised! I can’t do that—not yet. It doesn’t hurt enough for me to want it yet!”

  Ty had been lying back against the pillows of the couch but now he sat up frowning.

  “Doesn’t hurt enough? What are you talking about? Why would you have to hurt to want to make love?”

  “Make love?” Ellina frowned, confused. “What’s that?”

  “It’s what you call breeding, I think.” He frowned. “Unless your people do it in a different way than mine?”

  “I…I don’t know.” Ellina shook her head. “I only know I’m not ready for it yet. I don’t want to do it!”

  “We won’t—I would never do anything you didn’t want me to do, little one.”

  His deep voice was low and soothing and when he reached for her, Ellina felt calmed enough to get closer—though she didn’t climb back into his lap. She couldn’t imagine how she’d gotten there in the first place!

  “All right,” she said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to accuse you. I was just frightened.”

  “I could see that.” Ty frowned. “But why? What do your people do that makes ‘breeding’ such a frightening experience?”

  “Well, I don’t think it’s frightening for everyone,” Ellina said carefully. “But it is for me—for the Potentate, you know,” she explained.

  Ty still looked confused.

  “Walk me through it,” he said, making a motion with one hand. “Tell me what you do—how you do it—and why it frightens you so much.”

  “Well…I haven’t done it yet,” Ellina said. She felt a little funny talking about such an intimate subject with the big Kindred. But after all, she’d just been kissing him, deeply and intimately for quite a long time. After that it didn’t seem wrong to speak of sensitive topics.

  “Well, what’s going to happen when you do do it, then?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “Or do you even know?”

  “Of course, I know!” Ellina exclaimed, stung. “I might be a virgin but I’m not ignorant. I know what’s going to happen to me.” She shivered. “I just don’t like the idea of it very much—that’s all.”

  “Why not?” he asked, clearly still mystified.

  “Well, because it’s going to hurt, of course!” she exclaimed, exasperated.

  “Because it will be your first time?” Ty asked. “Do females of the Chorkay have a hymen? That’s a thin membrane of skin inside the female orifice that may tear or stretch the first time a shaft enters you,” he explained, seeing her baffled expression.

  “Oh, no—nothing like that.” Ellina shook her head. “But the first time a female is bred she must be opened, you see.”

  He shook his head. “No, I don’t. Please explain—opened how? I have a feeling it’s somewhat different from what I’m used to.”

  Feeling embarrassed but determined to make him understand, Ellina attempted to explain.

  “Chorkay females have a secret chamber at the very end of their primary sacred mouth,” she explained. “An entrance to the womb which is shut tight and must be battered open.”

  “Battered open?” His eyebrows rose and his clear eyes grew dark. “By a male, you mean?”

  “Of course.” Ellina shrugged. “That is why the males of my people have a kind of twist at the end of their shafts. It helps a male to force his way into the chamber so that he can deposit his seed directly into a female’s womb—thus ensuring conception.”

  Ty’s dark eyebrows drew together in a scowl.

  “I don’t like this talk of ‘battering’ and ‘forcing,’ Ellina. My people would call that rape.”

  “It’s not though—it’s necessary,” she told him. “Only…” she bit her lip. “Only it’s not very pleasant. Or so I’m told.”

  “It doesn’t sound very pleasant,” Ty growled. “Especially not for the female involved.”

  “Well, there is no other way to conceive an heir.” Ellina shrugged lightly, though she didn’t feel at all sanguine about the prospect of someday breeding. “Anyway, I don’t have to worry about it until I come into my first Heat Cycle and have to choose a consort,” she told Ty. “Which I hope will not be for some time yet.”

  “Heat Cycle?” He frowned. “What’s that?”

  “Oh, don’t your females come into heat?” she asked, surprised. “I thought all civilized people did. It’s just your body telling you it’s ready to be bred,” she explained. She bit her lip. “I’m told it can be quite intense.”

  “And what happens if you just ignore this ‘Heat Cycle’?” Ty asked? “What if you don’t want to be ‘bred’?”

  “Oh, you can’t ignore it!” Ellina exclaimed, shocked at the very idea. “You’d die. Even the Sisters of Purity cannot ignore their Cycle when it comes upon them. That is why The Brotherhood of Chastity exists—to service the Sisters during their cycles.”

  “So much for purity and chastity, I guess.” Ty snorted.

  “Oh, they’re very circumspect about it,” Ellina assured him. “The Sisters go into a kind of box with only their, um, bottoms sticking out. The Brothers approach them from behind, without knowing who is who and so they, er…do what needs to be done.” She coughed. “And it only happens once a year.”

  “So once you start this ‘Heat Cycle’ you only have to worry about ‘breeding’ once a year then?” Ty asked.

  “Well…” Ellina looked down at her fingers, which were twisting together in her lap. “It’s worse for nobles because of their refined blood. And worst of all for royals,” she finished, almost in a whisper.

  “Worse, how?” Ty asked, frowning.

  “I’ve heard that your blood burns during your Cycle,” Ellina told him. “You throb and ache inside until you crave to be bred, even though you know it’s going to hurt.”

  “But why must it hurt?” he insisted. “It seems to me that if a male was gentle
but persistent, if he took things slowly…”

  “I have heard that’s how it is with some,” Ellina admitted. “But…”

  “But what?” He raised his eyebrows at her.

  “But it cannot be that way for royalty—for the Potentate,” she told him.

  “What? Why not?” His face was like a thundercloud.

  “Because too much is at stake,” Ellina explained. “The Potentate must conceive an heir in order to ensure the continued welfare of the kingdom. Therefore, no chances must be taken. Her sacred mouth must be opened both roughly and thoroughly and copious amounts of seed deposited inside it. Her womb must be bathed in it to be certain she conceives.”

  “I don’t think you should have to endure that,” Ty argued. “It shouldn’t have to involve pain. Making love should be about pleasure unless the two parties agree that one or both of them want to be hurt, which some certainly do.”

  “They do?” Ellina asked with wide eyes.

  “They do.” He nodded. “But Ellina…” Reaching out, he cupped her face in his big warm hand and turned her to look at him. Scanning her eyes with his own, he said gently, “I can tell just from talking to you, you don’t want to be hurt. Especially not during your first time. It should be a pleasurable experience, one where you feel safe and loved and cherished and protected.”

  Ellina shook her head sadly.

  “There is no place for pleasure in breeding—not for a Potentate, anyway. We don’t even have the right equipment for pleasure.”

  “How can you not?” He frowned. “Do you not have a, uh, ‘sacred mouth’ between your legs?”

  “Yes,” Ellina murmured. “I do have one—there at least. But it’s not meant for pleasure—only for conception.”

  “Who told you that?” Ty demanded. “Who told you your first time has to hurt?”

  Ellina looked at him in surprise.

  “Why, my Grandmamma, of course,” she exclaimed. She frowned. “She explained it something like this…have you ever had a bad tooth? One that hurts so much, it eventually makes you overcome your fear of going to the tooth healer?”

  “Well, yes, I suppose.” He nodded.

  “Right.” Ellina nodded back. “And you know that the visit to the healer is going to hurt, but the pain in the tooth gets so bad, you don’t even care anymore. You just want relief, even if that relief entails going through pain to get it.”

  Ty nodded warily. “Yes, I did reach that point once.”

  “Well that’s what Grandmamma tells me breeding is like,” Ellina explained. “At a certain point in your Heat Cycle, the need and pain get so bad, you don’t even care anymore that it’s going to hurt. You just give yourself up to your consort and let him do…” She bit her lip. “What he needs to do,” she added in a small voice.

  Ty’s face was stony. “I still don’t see why it has to be that way for you. It seems cruel and barbaric to make you endure what’s essentially a rape just because you’re out of your mind with lust.”

  “It’s not lust, exactly—it’s pain,” Ellina explained. “I’ve heard it said it’s like a fire in your vitals that can only be quenched by male seed.”

  Ty didn’t look convinced.

  “I still don’t like the idea.” His voice was a disapproving growl.

  “Well, I don’t either,” Ellina admitted. “But as I said, I’m hoping to put it off for a good, long time.”

  “How will you know when your Heat Cycle begins?” he asked.

  “Oh, well…” Ellina bit her lip. “Things become…more sensitive,” she said, thinking of how sensitive her nipples and sacred mouth felt tonight. But that was probably just due to the hot bath she’d taken before putting on her nightdress, she told herself. “And you start to have…needs.”

  “What kind of needs?” he persisted.

  They were getting into territory Ellina wasn’t completely sure about. Her grandmother was usually wonderful about explaining things but on this subject, she had told Ellina the bare minimum and explained that she would understand completely only after she had gone through her first Cycle.

  “I don’t know exactly,” she admitted. “I only know Grandmamma says I will know them when I feel them. That’s all.” She shrugged.

  Ty frowned. “I don’t think it’s right that you should be left in ignorance about any part of this ‘Cycle’ of yours. It sounds serious.”

  “As I said, I hope not to deal with it for some time.” Ellina didn’t want to talk about this with him anymore. It made her feel strange and uncertain inside. She manufactured a yawn. “Oh, I’m so tired.”

  Ty tactfully took the hint.

  “You should go to bed then. I think you have another public appearance tomorrow?”

  “Yes, at the Holy Mists.” Just saying the name filled Ellina with dread. Possibly after seeing her in the mists tomorrow, Ty might feel differently about her. He had said she was “lovely” but after seeing her as she truly was, he would doubtless change his mind. He might not want to share his essence with her anymore either, since it took such an intimate activity for her to get it.

  The thought made Ellina sad and she sighed deeply.

  “Hey, little one—are you all right?” Ty looked at her, apparently concerned.

  Since she couldn’t tell the big Kindred the truth, Ellina tried to smile.

  “I’m fine. Just tired is all. I’d better go to bed now.” She hopped off the couch and nodded at him. “Good night, Ty.”

  He rose and gave her a formal bow.

  “Good night, my Lady. Sleep well and sweet dreams.”

  “Thank you,” Ellina said but she thought what she would probably dream of was kissing him and tasting the sweet, spicy flavor of his essence on her tongue as his big hands gripped her hips.

  It was a delicious memory and even if he should never choose to repeat it again, Ellina knew she would never forget it.

  Eleven

  Ty tossed and turned that night, telling himself he shouldn’t have kissed her. Or rather, shouldn’t have let her kiss him. Why had he told her to take him? And why had his shaft gotten so much harder when she straddled him, in effect, taking control—taking the superior position, as a Mistress might?

  Did he want to give himself to her? Did he long to serve and protect her not because it was his job but because his altered DNA and training were making him long for it?

  Need to be careful, he told himself, turning over in the narrow cot he had set up outside her bed chamber door. He normally didn’t sleep so close but considering the fact that two attempts had been made to drug her, he felt it was better to be nearby, in case whoever it was decided to try a more direct approach. Need to watch your feelings—be sure you’re not going too deep.

  But how deep was too deep? Some might say that holding the curvy little female on his lap and letting her kiss him and milk his fangs for his essence was going much too far. But how could he stop when he’d promised to give her his immunity to poisons, which could only be gained by repeating the process numerous times?

  Already he could feel his shaft hardening in his trousers at the thought of doing it again—of feeling her slight weight on his thighs, pressing against him as she kissed him, darting her soft, sweet little tongue around his fangs while she rubbed herself against him…

  Stop it! Ty lectured himself sternly. Stop thinking of her that way. You’re only here to protect her. Not…do anything else.

  As if he would—or could. It was clear from what she’d told him tonight that the Chorkay had an already proscribed plan laid out for Ellina’s mating—one that didn’t involve an off-worlder commoner. And their plan was designed for one thing only—to impregnate her with an heir. A perfect little girl who had the Sacred Blue skin, like her mother.

  But Ty didn’t like to think of what was supposed to happen to Ellina in order to get that perfect child. From the way she’d described it, the Chorkay idea of sexual intimacy was little better than rape. The idea that sweet, innocent Ellina should be
subjected to such roughness was unbearable. Even the thought of some male taking her that way—“battering” inside her as she had put it—while she cried out in pain made his hands curl into fists and a low growl rise in his throat.

  Easy, Ty tried to tell himself. You’re getting too involved. That’s the way they do things here! It’s the local custom.

  But it didn’t matter what he told himself—he didn’t like the idea of anyone doing such things to Ellina. And, local customs or not, he didn’t think he could stand by and see her abused in that way.

  Well, hopefully he wouldn’t have to, he consoled himself. As Ellina had said, her Heat Cycle might be a long way off. He would probably be gone back to the Mother Ship by the time she felt the need to be “bred.”

  At least Ty hoped so. Because the thought of the curvy little female he was beginning to care much more than he should for being put into that position was more than he could bear.

  Twelve

  The next morning Ellina was up a dawn, going over documents and matters of policy with various ministers. It seemed now she was Potentate, the paperwork never stopped. At last, however, they left her alone and she breathed a sigh of relief. She was going to have a leisurely lunch in her apartments before she had to get ready to go to the much-dreaded Holy Mists, she decided. It would relax her and put her in a better frame of mind for what was certain to be an ordeal.

  But just as she was sitting down to a lovely repast of hot hondel-paste sandwiches and bindle weed soup, all cooked exactly to her liking, the captain of the Kindred guard stuck his head in the door and announced,

  “My Lady, his Eminence the High Priest of Thufar and Baron Hennessey Tolland are here to pay you a visit.”

  “Oh, really? Now?” Ellina groaned, before she could stop herself. This was the first spare minute she’d had to herself all day and she was longing to enjoy it! Now she would have to spend her lunch hour not only with the pompous Lord Kikbax but also her old nemesis, Hennessey Tolland—the very same boy who had tricked her and bragged about kissing “the freak” when she was younger.