Seeing with the Heart Read online

  “It’s awful to lose the people you love so suddenly,” Molly whispered. “I know…I know about that kind of loss. Some of it, anyway. Braxx and I talked about it a little. We got…quite close. I had hoped that we might get…” She cleared her throat. “Get even closer.”

  “He could use a worthy female who values more than looks,” Baird said.

  “Well, that would be me since I’m almost completely blind,” Molly remarked lightly. She had explained about the healing crystal and how it had been nearly depleted at the beginning of her talk with Commander Sylvan. “But even if I could see again, I wouldn’t care about his scars. I was… hoping to meet him when I came up here to the Mothership but then I was told he was off on another mission.”

  “No, he’s not,” Baird said, surprising her. “He was supposed to go but his ship had some engine trouble. It’s being fixed in the mech-bay and he’s scheduled to go tomorrow instead.”

  “Really?” Molly’s heart, which had been down somewhere around her shoes, suddenly leapt up into her throat. “Do…I mean, are you sure?”

  “Sure, I’m sure. I just had a drink with him after our shift. He said he was going to turn in to his suite and try to get a good night’s sleep before leaving early tomorrow.”

  “So Braxx is in his suite all alone, is he?” It was Liv’s voice again. She came and sat beside Molly on the couch. “Sorry, I was just in the other room getting our little boy down for the night and I couldn’t help overhearing.”

  “No worries, lilenta.” Baird came over and leaned down to kiss her affectionately. “Is our little guy sleeping well?”

  “All tuckered out from playing so hard today.” Liv’s voice was soft. “I swear, he’s growing up so fast! I wish I could keep him little.”

  “Can’t turn back time,” Baird remarked.

  “No, but you can make up for lost time.” Liv took Molly’s hand and squeezed. “And that’s exactly what we’re going to do. Come on, Molly—I have an idea.”

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Molly tried to still the nervous pounding of her heart as she knocked rapidly at the metal door of Braxx’s apartment—or suite as the people here on the Mothership called it. She was aware that Liv was hiding just around the corner, watching. The other woman had promised to wait for her and make sure she got in all right before leaving. She’d also given Molly a think-me—a thin silver wire headband type thing that fit around her head like a crown—and explained how to use it if she needed it.

  “You can call me anytime if you need to get away,” she’d told Molly, as she slipped the thin wire band into her purse. “But I don’t think you’re going to need to.”

  “Thank you,” Molly had taken the think-me gratefully. It was good to have a backup plan in case things didn’t go well. But she was determined everything was going to be fine. Now that she knew the real story of Braxx’s past, she wasn’t going to let him put her off again.

  Lifting her chin with renewed determination, she knocked again and called, “Braxx? Are you awake? I need to talk to you.”

  At last the door slid open and a big, male shape filled the doorway. The warm, spicy scent of his skin washed over her and Molly breathed it in deeply—God, she had missed this! Missed it so much she felt almost like a junkie in withdrawal. Smelling him again was like getting a much needed fix.

  “Molly?” He sounded confused and half-asleep. “Are you really here or am I dreaming about you again?”

  “You’ve been dreaming of me too?” Her heart began pounding even harder. “Because I’ve been dreaming of you almost every night for the past three months. Let me in so we can talk about it.”

  “I don’t know…” His voice sounded hesitant and his muscular bulk was still blocking the doorway. But Molly wasn’t going to take no for an answer. They needed to at least talk damn it!

  “Just for a minute,” she said and pushed past him into the suite, feeling an electric tingle as her skin brushed his.

  “You always were direct.” There was something like a cross between irritation and admiration in his deep voice as he followed her into the living area.

  At least, Molly assumed it was the living area. Hopefully it was laid out pretty much like Liv’s suite had been. There wasn’t much light to cast shadows so she had to feel her way to the couch before she could turn and face him.

  “We need to talk,” she said firmly. “I mean really talk, Braxx.”

  * * * * *

  Braxx ran a hand through his sleep-rumpled hair and frowned unhappily. Was this real or was it another dream? It seemed like it might be the latter. He’d just drifted off and had been dreaming about Molly walking down a long metal corridor of the Mothership with a determined look on her lovely face. Now, here she was, standing in the middle of his living area with her hands on her hips, looking up at him with a frown on her face.

  She looked just like she had in her dream—right down to the silky red shirt which showed a hint of her creamy cleavage and the black skirt which emphasized the full curves of her hips.

  I’d forgotten how beautiful she is, he thought and ached to take her in his arms.

  Somehow, he resisted. Though he’d thought of nothing else but Molly for the past three months, he was firm in his belief that she wasn’t for him.

  “Well?” she said, lifting her chin even higher. “Can we talk?”

  “What is there to talk about?” Braxx growled.

  “The fact that I’m crazy about you.” Her voice dropped a little. “And I think…I hope you feel the same way. I haven’t been able to get you off my mind for the past few months. I miss you, Braxx. Can you honestly tell me you don’t miss me?”

  Braxx opened his mouth to tell a lie and heard the truth come out instead.

  “You’re all I can think about,” he admitted, his voice hoarse with emotion. “Holding you again…breathing in your sweet scent… You fucking consume me, Molly.”

  She let out a breath and he realized she was relieved.

  “Good,” she said, her voice shaky. “I’m glad this isn’t a one-way street. So if you’re crazy about me and I’m crazy about you, what are we doing apart?”

  “You know damn well why we’re apart,” Braxx growled. “You saw for yourself on Tal’os Trenta.”

  “You mean your scars?” she asked directly. “Listen, Braxx—even if I could still see your face, I wouldn’t give a damn about those. I didn’t fall in love with you for your looks, you know.”

  So many thoughts and emotions rushed through him, he could scarcely put any of them into words.

  “What do you mean if you could see my face?” he demanded at last, striding over to her. “And…did you just say you loved me?”

  “I’m blind again—well, mostly blind. And yes, I love you.” She ran a hand through her wild mane of caramel hair. “Look I know it’s crazy—we were together for less than a week. But during that time I felt a connection with you I’ve never felt with anyone else. And Braxx, it’s not going away. I want you more now than the day you dropped me off at the hospital. I…I want you so badly I can hardly keep my hands to myself!”

  Looking down, he saw that her little hands were, indeed, balled into fists. Suddenly, he couldn’t stand it anymore.

  “Then don’t,” he growled. Leaning down, he took her mouth in a hot, hard kiss—the culmination of three months of longing and need that nearly threatened to overpower him.

  Molly gave as good as she got, tangling her fingers in his hair and dragging him even lower, deepening the kiss by thrusting her sweet little tongue into his mouth.

  Braxx growled and scooped her up, holding her close in his arms. Molly clung to him and somehow her black skirt got hitched up over her hips so that he could feel the warmth of her pussy pressing against his midsection as they continued the rough and luscious kiss.

  Hardly knowing what he was doing, Braxx went to sit on the couch with her in his lap. She straddled him, still kissing him hungrily as he ran his hands through her hair and dow
n her back to cup her ass in his palms. He was bare-chested and wearing only a pair of black satin sleep trousers which meant he could clearly feel the press of her soft, hot pussy against his aching shaft. Goddess she was so warm and real and perfect in his arms—surely this time it wasn’t a dream!

  The thought slammed him back to reality. If this wasn’t a dream then what was he doing? He couldn’t let himself go so far with Molly—it wasn’t right!

  Though it was the last thing he wanted to do, he forced himself to break the kiss.

  “Wait!” He took his hands off her ass and sat back, trying to put some distance between them. “Wait, we can’t do this.”

  “Why not?” she demanded. “We’re crazy about each other—we both admitted it. Why can’t we be together?”

  “Because…” Braxx took a deep breath, trying to calm himself, and ran a hand through his hair. “Because you don’t know the real me.”

  “I know about how your fiancée left you after the crash, Braxx,” she said gently. “Because of this.” She put her hand gently on his scarred left cheek.

  Braxx tensed and pulled away. “Don’t.”

  “Why? Because you think your scars are ugly? They’re not ugly,” Molly insisted passionately. “They’re beautiful to me, Braxx.” Tenderly, she took his face in both hands and began kissing his cold, scarred left cheek.

  Though the flesh was nearly dead there, Braxx felt every one of her kisses like a blade straight to his heart. They caused a tidal wave of emotion so great inside him he didn’t know how he could bear it.

  “Stop,” he whispered hoarsely, pulling away again. “Molly, don’t—you don’t have to.”

  “I want to,” she insisted. “I know that you gave up any chance you had of healing your scars when you went into the Cha’llah for me—the Wise One told me so before we left. If I hadn’t been so worried about Denise, I would have thanked you. I didn’t get to so…let me thank you now.”

  She began kissing him again—kissing the ruined side of his face and though Braxx knew she couldn’t see his scars, he couldn’t help thinking that they must feel rough and ugly to her soft fingers and lips. Still, she didn’t stop—she seemed to want to cover every inch of his scars with kisses as soft as the brush of a butterfly’s wings. It made his heart pound in his chest to feel her lips on him there—to know she loved and wanted him despite his scars.

  But she doesn’t know about all your scars, now does she? whispered a cruel little voice in his head.

  No…no, she didn’t. And how would she feel if she did?

  Maybe it’s time to find out, Braxx told himself. It had taken a great deal of courage for Molly to come here and declare her love for him. Maybe he could be as brave and let her know exactly what she was getting before she made a commitment which would be impossible to back out of.

  “Molly,” he said and the tone of his voice seemed to get through to her because she finally stopped kissing him, although she kept one soft, warm hand on his cheek.

  “What is it?” she murmured. “You have some other reason we can’t be together?”

  “You might think so when you hear it.” He took a deep breath, how could he say this?

  “What is it?” she asked again. “Whatever it is, just tell me and we’ll deal with it together.”

  “Molly, I…”

  “Yes?” she asked patiently.

  Braxx could think of no good way to say it. At last he blurted it out, his voice harsh with self-recrimination.

  “I killed my brother.”

  * * * * *

  Molly had no idea what to say. How do you react when the man you love admits to fratricide? At last she took a deep breath and focused as well as she could on his shadowy face.

  “All right,” she said quietly. “There must be more to it than that. So tell me—tell me all about it.”

  To her surprise, Braxx did.

  “I was piloting the craft we crashed in. My brother, Yarex, was with me. It was on my home planet of Rageron and one of the engines failed when a gelex—a type of animal which is sort of a cross between a bird and a bat—flew into it. The ship dipped and suddenly a whole flock of gelex was all around us.”

  The words were pouring out of him, faster and faster. It seemed to Molly that this story—this secret pain—must have been pent up inside of him for a long time and now it was finally coming out.

  “Go on,” she said nodding.

  “I tried to bring the ship up but it was too late—the other engine was clogged and it stalled as well,” Braxx went on. “We crashed in the forest and my brother’s side of the ship was crushed against a massive tree.”

  He paused for such a long moment Molly wondered if he was going to finish the story. She stroked his cheek gently in a non-verbal show of support and felt him take a deep breath. Then, haltingly, he continued.

  “I tried…tried to drag Yarex free of the wreckage,” he said. “But his legs were trapped. Then the plasticine fuel caught fire. There was an explosion and I was knocked unconscious. When I woke I felt a burning and heard the anguished screams of my brother. He…he was…”

  Molly heard him swallow hard and his big hands, which were resting on her thighs, tightened convulsively.

  “Go on,” she whispered again, feeling this was something that had been poisoning him—something he needed to get out.

  “He—Yarex was covered in flames—there was no way to put him out. He was pinned and I couldn’t get him loose. He was screaming…begging…” Braxx swallowed convulsively, his voice wracked with pain. “I knew the ship was about to explode. I…” He took a deep breath. “I was on fire myself—I could feel my flesh melting. It was pain like I had never imagined.”

  “So what did you do?” she whispered, feeling sick and horrified for him at the awful description.

  “I…” Braxx’s big body tensed under hers and he spit out the words, as hard as bullets. “I took out my blaster and shot him in the head,” he admitted at last in a harsh voice. “I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t get him out and I couldn’t leave him there to burn to death. It seemed… the only option.”

  “Oh, Braxx…” Molly couldn’t keep the horror out of her voice. To have to endure such a thing, to have to make such a choice…no wonder he was all torn up inside!

  “I failed him,” he ended in a low whisper. “Failed my own brother in the worst way possible.”

  “No, you didn’t. You did the only thing you could do. You shouldn’t hate yourself for it, because I certainly don’t. I love you, Braxx.” Molly pressed her soft cheek to his scarred one and pulled him close, trying to comfort him. “I love you so much,” she whispered. “And nothing’s going to change that.”

  “Molly… jalanta…” Braxx hugged her to him tightly, as though he was trying to get as close as he could. He made low sounds in his throat that sounded like repressed sobs and Molly felt her heart go out to him. Gods, what an awful decision he’d had to make!

  “It’s all right—it’s going to be all right,” she whispered, carding her fingers through his hair. “We’re together now. The past doesn’t matter anymore.”

  “I love you.” His voice was low and hoarse. “Love you so much, jalanta. I was afraid if I told you…if you knew…”

  “That I wouldn’t love you? Wouldn’t want to be with you anymore?” Molly drew back from the hug to kiss him again. “Never,” she whispered. “I want you, Braxx—want you in my life forever. Nothing can change that.”

  For a long, breathless moment they clung together and Molly thought she had never felt anything so good, so right as the big Kindred’s muscular arms wrapped around her. She closed her eyes and breathed him in, nuzzling her face into the side of his neck and inhaling that warm, spicy scent that was the essence of Braxx. God, she loved him! Loved him so much and now the final barrier between them was finally down. There was nothing standing in their way.

  “I want you,” she breathed again, pressing herself against him. “I’ve been going cr
azy missing you…wanting you!”

  “I want you too, sweetheart,” he murmured and there was a change in his voice…a low, sexual growl that hadn’t been there a moment before.

  Molly felt a thrill of need and longing go through her entire body. Leaning forward, she kissed him again, this time taking her time and nibbling his bottom lip seductively.

  “Then why don’t you take me?” she whispered and pressed her panty-clad pussy hard against his crotch.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  “Mmm…” Braxx breathed her in, loving the soft, sexual taunting in her voice. “So you want me to take you?” he growled softly, gripping her by the waist. Bringing her down hard against him, he pressed upwards, making sure she could feel the hard ridge of his cock through her thin panties and his sleep trousers.

  “Yes.” Molly gripped his shoulders hard and pressed back until he could feel her soft little pussy lips parting, inviting the shaft of his cock into her hot, wet warmth.

  “Gods, sweetheart— I want you so much…want to fill you with my mating fist and bond you to me.”

  “Do it,” Molly urged him, rubbing against him brazenly. “Do it now—tie us together. I want that, Braxx—I want you.”

  God, he loved how direct she was! His shaft throbbed to be inside her, doing what she’d asked for, tying them together forever. But he didn’t want to just ram himself inside her with no preparation. A human male might do that, but with a Kindred it was different. Bonding sex was special—sacred. He must be certain his female was ready to take him—all of him—before he slipped even the head of his cock inside her.

  “Slowly, jalanta,” he murmured, stroking his hands up and down her back and hips, loving the feel of her lush curves under his fingers. “First I have to make you ready. My mating fist is large—you need to be able to take it inside you.”

  “God yes—your mating fist…” Molly’s breath seemed to come faster and he felt her tense against him. But it soon became clear it wasn’t fear she was feeling but anticipation. “I want it in me,” she told Braxx, kissing him urgently. “I want all of you in me.”