Seeing with the Heart Read online

  “But—” Her lovely face was troubled even though she already had her door halfway open, ready to get out.

  “Goodbye, Molly.” Relenting a little, Braxx leaned across the seat and cupped her smooth cheek gently in one hand. “I’ll never forget you,” he said softly. “Now go—your friend needs you.”

  Tears glimmered in her eyes but at last she turned to go. Braxx watched her hurry into the hospital and thought his heart might burst.

  Not for you, he told himself harshly. She’s not for you and she never was.

  It was time to go back to the Mothership. Time to get on with his life.

  Alone.

  Chapter Twenty

  “Denise? Denise is that you? Say something so I can be sure,” Molly said, speaking to the tall African American girl with tears in her eyes.

  Of course, she had never seen Denise before but this was the room number the nurse had given her and the girl was standing just outside the door crying. It must be Denise—she hoped.

  “Molly, what are you doing here?” the girl demanded.

  “Denise!” The moment Denise spoke again, Molly knew it was her. She rushed into the other woman’s arms and hugged her tightly. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered in Denise’s ear. “I came back as fast as I could.”

  “You weren’t supposed to come back at all. I told Commander Sylvan to hold my message about…about Scott until the end of your mission. I just…wanted you to know before you came home. So I wouldn’t…wouldn’t have to tell you twice.”

  Molly heard the terrible grief in her friend’s voice and hugged her tighter. “Tell me about it,” she murmured. “Is he…am I too late to say goodbye?”

  “Almost.” Denise pulled back and swiped at her eyes with the crumpled tissue she was holding. “He hasn’t said a word since the accident. He’s been completely unconscious—completely unresponsive. And now he…he’s starting to lose brain function. The doctor came in earlier and asked…” She took a long, deep shuddering breath. “Asked his mom and dad to come talk about…about harvesting his organs to use…to use for other people.”

  “Oh, no!” Molly’s eyes darted to the open door of the ICU room. She gripped Denise’s hand tightly. “Come on—I want to see him. If…if you want me to, that is,” she added.

  “Of course I want you to but…” Denise shook her head. “But Molly, how are you seeing anything at all? Does it have something to do with that weird-ass jewel you have stuck between your eyes? Is it some kind of Kindred technology?”

  “Not Kindred—Cha’llah,” Molly corrected her. “It’s from Tal’os Trenta. It’s a healing crystal and—oh!”

  “What? What is it?” Denise asked urgently.

  “Denise…” Molly gripped her hands tightly. “I just had an idea but I don’t know if it will work. Will you let me try it on Scott?”

  “Try what?” Denise looked confused. “I don’t understand.”

  “Just come on.” Molly dragged her friend into the room. “There’s no time to lose.”

  Inside Scott was lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to all kinds of tubes and monitors. His dark blond hair lay lank against the white pillowcase and he seemed shrunken somehow. He was usually so tall and strong—tall enough that Denise, who was quite tall herself, had confided to Molly he almost made her feel small.

  Molly had never seen him, of course, but she had felt his physical size and strength when he hugged her. But the wasted body in the bed looked nothing like the picture of Scott she had built in her mind from Denise’s description and her own observations. He looked like a boy, too young to die but dying anyway.

  Taking in the blinking lights and humming machines, Molly wondered if she was too late. Denise had said that his brain function was going—was her idea going to do any good?

  Never know unless I try it, she thought grimly, stepping to the head of the bed. She reached to her forehead, wondering if the crystal would come off if she pulled. But hadn’t someone—Llewith?—told her that it would come off if she wanted to take it off? Something like that, anyway.

  As she pried at the jewel, another, more recent memory came back to her. The Wise One, warning her that the crystal could do one large healing but that once depleted it couldn’t be recharged.

  I’ll be blind again. Blind for good this time. The thought flitted across her mind but Molly didn’t hesitate. If this was the only way she could spare her best friend the soul-crushing agony of losing someone before it was their time to go, she had to do it.

  The moment she got the crystal off her forehead, her field of vision began to narrow as darkness crept in, obscuring the corners of her sight.

  “Molly, what are you doing?” Denise had come up behind her and there was worry and uncertainty in her voice.

  “Trying something—trying to help Scott the way I was helped.”

  Quickly, before she could lose her sight completely, Molly pressed the tear-drop shaped crystal, which was glowing a bright, shimmering gold, to the space right between Scott’s eyes.

  “Cha’llah,” she whispered earnestly. “Cha’llah, if you can hear me, please find this man, Scott, worthy of your healing. He’s a good man and Denise needs him—please!”

  She didn’t know if the far-away source of the Cha’llah could hear her but she seemed to feel another presence in the room. Perhaps it was the Kindred Goddess everyone on the Mothership seemed to believe in so fervently. At any rate, the presence was definitely feminine in nature—Molly could sense that clearly.

  Denise must have felt it too because her voice was awed when she whispered, “Molly, what’s going on in here? What’s happening?”

  “Please,” Molly pleaded with the unseen presence. “Please let me use the power of my crystal to heal him. Just let him be all right. Please.”

  The presence swelled and intensified for a moment, filling the small hospital room to overflowing. And then she heard a voice whisper in her ear.

  “Daughter, your sacrifice will not be in vain.”

  The voice and presence were gone as quickly as they had come but Molly barely had time to notice before Scott’s eyelids fluttered open and he spoke.

  “Molly?” he asked, looking up at her, his brow wrinkling in confusion. “Denise? Sweetheart? What’s going on? Why are you crying?”

  “Scott?” Denise’s tear-filled eyes widened in disbelief and hope. “Scott? Oh my God, baby—how do you feel?”

  “I feel fine. A little stiff maybe but okay. So what am I doing…here?” He looked around himself and sat up easily, like a man just waking up from a nap. “Is this a hospital bed? Is this some kind of joke?”

  “No joke.” Denise turned to Molly, half laughing-half crying. “Thank you! I don’t know what you did but thank you!”

  Then she threw herself into Scott’s arms, hugging and kissing him. There were tears running down her cheeks but Molly could tell they were tears of joy.

  The two of them embracing was the last thing she saw before the darkness, which had been slowly but steadily encroaching on the corners of her vision, came forward and swallowed the last dot of light completely.

  Once more, she was completely blind.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Three Months Later

  “It’s so good to see you again, doll!” Kat’s familiar voice sounded in her ear and Molly felt at home at once. “Welcome back to the Mothership.”

  “It’s good to see you too, Kat,” she said, reaching for the other woman’s hand.

  “Here I am,” Kat said laughing, and squeezed her hand tightly. “My friend Liv is here too—she’s Sophie’s twin sister.”

  “Nice to meet you.” Molly reached out and shook another hand.

  “Sophie says to say she’s sorry but her twins are sick with the stomach flu and she doesn’t want anyone else to catch it.” Liv’s voice was warm and practical. Molly liked her at once.

  “Oh no,” she exclaimed. “I hope they’re all right.”

  “They’ll be fine in twenty-
four hours according to Sylvan who luckily did not catch it,” Liv said. “Kindred seem to have the best immune systems.”

  Kat snorted. “You’d think the Kindred would have been able to come up with cures for things like the common cold and the stomach flu, wouldn’t you? I mean, they’re able to cure most forms of cancer and all kinds of other things but if you’re gonna heave for twenty-four hours, they can’t help you.”

  “Some things just aren’t curable, I guess,” Molly said lightly.

  “And some are. Such as…look, doll, I don’t want to be nosey—” Kat began.

  “Too late.” There was good natured laughter in Liv’s voice.

  “Hush,” Kat said. “What I want to ask is, when Commander Braxx was here doing his debriefing on your mission, I thought he told Sylvan that you got some kind of crystal that could help you, uh…”

  “We heard you regained your sight,” Liv finished for her. “Being a nurse, I was especially interested when Sophie and Kat told me about it. That’s one reason I asked to come along with Kat to meet you when you came up for your own debriefing.”

  “So where’s the crystal Commander Braxx was talking about?” Kat asked.

  “It’s here.” Molly reached in the pocket of her red silk blouse. It went well with her black pencil skirt—at least according to Denise who had helped her pick out the outfit.

  She’d wanted to wear something businesslike but still sexy just in case she got to see—or rather hear—Braxx again. Unfortunately, the Kindred officer sent to pick her up for her belated debriefing was a complete stranger. He’d been kind and courteous to a fault but he wasn’t Braxx and Braxx was the man she’d been longing for, thinking of, and dreaming of for the past three months.

  “Here it is—see,” she said, holding the crystal out to Kat and Liv.

  “Oh…Sylvan said that Braxx told him the crystal glowed really brightly, though,” Liv objected. “This is hardly glowing at all.”

  “It’s mostly depleted,” Molly explained. She pressed the crystal to her forehead where it stuck and stayed obediently. After a moment, two shadowy figures swam into view. They looked like slightly darker, people-shaped blobs in a murky pool, but she could see them—barely.

  “What can you see?” Kat asked, sounding curious.

  “Shadows mostly,” Molly told her. “I tend not to use the crystal much now, unless I’m trying to get around an unfamiliar place. I find that it gives me a headache because my eyes keep straining to see things better and they can’t.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” Liv said. “I thought Commander Braxx said it restored your sight completely.”

  “It did…for a little while.” Molly couldn’t help the wistful note that crept into her voice. It had been wonderful to see again—even for such a short time. “But it’s mostly used up now.”

  She thought back to how Scott had finally returned the crystal to her. He had worn it for an entire week while the doctors talked about “extraordinarily rapid healing” and some even whispered the word, “miracle.”

  He’d wanted to give it back sooner when he and Denise realized what was happening and what giving the crystal had cost her. But Molly wouldn’t take it back until she was completely certain Scott was all right and he had been discharged from the hospital.

  Denise had cried when she gave it back, cried with happiness that her fiancé was going to be all right…and sorrow when Molly placed it back on her own forehead and saw only shadows. But Molly wasn’t sorry. Oh, she missed being able to see—it had been amazing while it lasted. But knowing that her best friend would be planning a wedding instead of a funeral was more than worth the sacrifice.

  In fact, Denise had wanted to come with her today and check out the Mothership firsthand, but it just happened to be the only day she could meet with the baker who was going to be making her wedding cake. Molly had told her to stay and enjoy tasting cakes with Scott—she had been hoping to get a little alone time to talk to Braxx anyway.

  But where was the big Kindred?

  “I’m glad Commander Sylvan sent the two of you to meet me,” she said to Kat and Liv. “But, um, I thought maybe I might see Commander Braxx. Do you know where he is?”

  “Oh, he’s gone I think,” Liv said. “Off on another scouting mission, I think.”

  “He, uh, doesn’t seem to like hanging around the Mothership much,” Kat said.

  Molly’s heart sank. So Braxx was gone.

  “Oh,” she said, trying to sound lighthearted and failing miserably. “I just thought…I mean, I guess that’s okay.”

  “No it’s not, doll—my goodness, you should see your face,” Kat exclaimed. “You look like you’re going to cry!”

  “Did you and Commander Braxx, um, get close during your time together on Tal’os Trenta?” Liv asked, sounding sympathetic.

  Molly nodded and was alarmed to find that she was on the verge of tears. Though she had been longing for him for the past three months, it seemed like Braxx’s loss had hit her all over again, the moment she stepped aboard the Mothership.

  “I…yes,” she managed to choke out. “In…in a manner of speaking. But things ended badly when I saw…saw his face.”

  “Oh dear,” Liv said, sounding upset. “He does have those incurable scars. He consulted with Sylvan about them—Sylvan’s a doctor too, you know. But apparently the plasticine fuel that splashed in his face when he was trying to drag his brother out of the wreckage of the ship they’d been flying makes unhealable scars.”

  “I thought it might be something like that,” Molly said, blotting her eyes carefully with the back of her hand. She’d taken extra care with her makeup today—even wearing mascara and eyeliner—getting it just right with Denise’s help. “But he never wanted to talk about it,” she added when she was finished blotting. “He just got really angry and shut down when I tried to ask him about his scars. And then I got bad news from back on Earth and I was so focused on getting back here that we never talked. And now…now it’s too late.”

  “It’s never too late,” Kat said, squeezing her arm. “Come on—let’s get you back to Liv’s place and fix you a cup of hot tea or coffee.”

  “Sylvan’s coming there to do your debriefing since the twins are sick,” Liv added. “Here—take my arm.”

  “All right.” Molly took the offered arm gratefully. “Thank you.”

  She decided to leave the healing crystal on for now. Though it gave her a headache if she wore it too long, it was good to have at least a general idea of where she was going on the big, unfamiliar Mothership.

  “Good, we’ll get you all fixed up and after the debriefing we can have more girl talk if you want,” Kat told her, taking the other arm. “Come on, hon—this way.”

  “Thank you for your information about the Tal’ossi, Doctor Reynaud,” Sylvan said to her, some time later. “Your assessment seems to match well with Commander Braxx’s. The Cha’llah cannot be of use to us as a power source.”

  “I don’t believe so, no, Commander Sylvan.” Molly shook her head.

  She felt much better and more in control of herself after Kat had fixed her a hot cup of tea. She was seated comfortably in the corner of Liv’s couch and Commander Sylvan was sitting across from her in a chair, taking notes. The debriefing seemed to be winding down and she was glad—it was time to get out of here and get home. Being on the Mothership reminded her too much of Braxx and what might have been.

  “The Cha’llah is much too…personal for want of a better word, to be harnessed effectively,” she went on, trying to explain. “It is more than just a power source—it is a deity to the Tal’ossi, who worship it with good reason. It doesn’t just heal or power their crystals like electricity—it actually chooses to help or to heal. And it can be…unpredictable.”

  “It sounds a little like our Goddess—the Mother of All Life.” Sylvan sounded thoughtful. “Very well, I accept your analysis of the situation which, as I said before, matches well with Commander Braxx’s.”

&nbs
p; “What about Braxx?” said a new voice and Molly looked up to see a large, male-looking shadow come into the room.

  “This is Baird, my half-brother who is married to Olivia,” Sylvan said to Molly. “He is a Beast Kindred like Braxx and knows him in a friendly capacity.”

  “Oh, are you and Braxx friends?” Molly leaned forward eagerly. “What has he been up to lately—is he all right?” The minute the words were out of her mouth, she realized how ridiculous they sounded. She was like a high school girl, begging for news of her crush. But she couldn’t help herself—the words just popped out.

  “I’m his friend as much as I can be—poor bastard can use all the friends he can get since he lost his brother in that crash and his intended mate left him.” Baird’s deep, gravely voice sounded grim.

  “Wait—what? What did you say about his mate leaving him?” This was news to Molly. But then, Braxx had kept a lot of secrets from her—he’d even admitted it when he’d said she didn’t really know him.

  “His intended mate,” Baird corrected. “They never actually bonded which was a good thing since she left him because she didn’t like his looks after the crash.”

  Molly closed her eyes briefly, remembering how Braxx had called himself a monster. No wonder he’d gotten that idea if his fiancée had left him because of his disfiguring scars.

  “Danella—that was her name,” Baird continued. “She was always a vain female—extremely beautiful but that was all she cared about. I think she picked Braxx for just that reason—his looks matched hers, you know? Anyway, after they didn’t match any more, she left him.”

  “That’s awful,” Molly whispered. “How could anyone do that? How could they be so heartless and shallow?” She felt she was beginning to understand more and more about why Braxx was so tightly shut inside and why he’d gotten so angry when she had seen his scars.

  “Though I don’t like to speak ill of any female, Danella was fucking shallow,” Baird growled. “Braxx was already carrying a heavy burden after losing his brother. Then after she left him…” The big, indistinct shadow which was all Molly could see of him, shook its head. “Well, I was really worried about him for a while. Thought he might try to off himself.”